Antiques according to Tori

A conversation that took place last night between Tori and my dad about a chair that once belonged to my great-grandmother.

Dad: "Tori, be careful with that chair, it's an antique."

Tori: "What's an antique?"

Dad: "It's something really, really old."

After thinking about that for a second Tori replies,

"Nana's an antique."



My poor mother.

Lake Powell and homecoming!!

My family has been at Lake Powell for the past week. It's been absolutely wonderful having the house to myself and being able to take naps at night which I haven't been able to do in years! And, as other mothers can understand, the first few days I didn't miss her at all! I was too busy enjoying my freedom! But by the fourth day, I was a little lonely. Somewhere around the fifth or sixth day I actually went in her room and smelled her pillow because it smelled like her! Sad and pathetic. I talked to her twice on the phone. Well, that might be overstating it a little for the first time I TRIED. Mom called me and tried to get Tori to say hi, and all I heard when the phone was pressed her her ear was "No way" over and over. Lol, little brat. But the second time she talked to me and told me about water skiing (during which she stood up!!) and the fish she caught with papa. In her words, "it was humongous". I love hearing her little voice say that word! When she said it I suddenly realized that she used it last year at Powell too but then didn't use it much at home, and then picked it up again this year! We'll see if it sticks. So anyway, they got home last night and I raced to the door to get her out when they pulled up, and she gave me the best present ever. She had a huge smile on her face and said "Mommy!" Then she put her little arms around my neck and held on tight. My baby missed me! That made me so happy. She cuddled me for awhile, and then went up to her room to play. While she was going potty she looked at me, smiled and said, "I'm so happy to be home so I can listen to Cowboy Cas" LOL!! Her favorite song right now is Cowboy Casanova. She just makes me laugh. Then, that night when we were kneeling down for her prayer before bed, she wormed her way into my lap, hugged my arm and said "I'm glad to be home Mommy. I love you." Oh man, talk about a heart melter.

I LOVE MY DAUGHTER!!!!!

Daddy's visit and the beginning of school

Well, the visit went better than I ever could have hoped for! Friday, Saturday and Sunday Tori was all over having a Daddy and it showed in the way she constantly said Daddy whenever she was talking to him. It was so cute. Monday, however, she started shutting herself off emotionally. It was really sad to watch her "not care" so that it wouldn't hurt so badly when he left. I know it was just as hard, if not harder, for him to leave. But he'll be back and this is the beginning of a great relationship. I'm really excited for her to gain this and also to gain a relationship with a whole new extended family! She needs some of that black culture in her life! :-)

So now the visit is over and it's time to focus on the beginning of school! I can't believe my baby is starting Kindergarten! I'm going to be a crybaby on her first day of school, I just know it. So next month we're going to have to start shopping for school supplies and a new school outfit. Oh dear...I'm not ready for this!

Update!

So I know I promised an update the day I spoke with the psychologist, but things kept happening so I decided to wait until everything was figured out and I could say for certain what was going to happen! I spoke with Dr. Marsh on Thursday last week and I must say, I think it was worth the $130 (ouch). She brought up many things I hadn't thought about and also affirmed things that I'd already planned on doing. One thing she brought up was that Tori is starting kindergarten this year. I already knew this of course, but what I hadn't thought about was that that is a HUGE change in her life! She'll be going from an in-home preschool with only 7 other kids to a classroom with around 20 other kids in a school with hundreds of older kids! Joseph was planning on coming out in August but she said he should definitely come out earlier so that she can handle those two things separately. Otherwise she'd probably get really stressed out and that would come out in her behavior since she won't know any other way to express what she's feeling. So he is now coming out over the 4th of July weekend. He'll be here until that Monday afternoon. I feel this is a good thing. I'm telling her this weekend so that she has time to process and ask all her little questions before he comes out. It'll probably be a roller coaster I'm sure, but I think it'll be worth it in the long run.

Dr. Marsh also said that once I tell her there needs to be a lot of contact between her and Joseph. Phone calls, webcamming, letters, etc. She needs to have a connection before they meet in person. Fortunately I have pictures of the two of them as well as the three of us from when she was a tiny baby so I can use those to connect her to him and I'm planning on putting those pictures into a photo album for her. So wish me luck! I'll blog next week after it all goes down! Thank you to everyone for your support!!

The time has come...

...to tell Tori about her father. I'm a little nervous, but I know it's for the best. Especially because she thinks that MY dad is her dad. One because we call him dad and two, well, because she doesn't understand biology. Which is perfectly fine with me!! So tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a child psychologist Tori's pediatrician recommended so I can get her feedback on how this will affect her at this stage in her development and also what I can expect in the future. Tori's dad is planning on coming out and visiting in August which is the other factor in my deciding to tell her now. She should know who her father is when he comes out to visit. I've already kind of introduced her to him. He's called and they've spoken on the phone. She knows him as "Joseph, Mommy's friend". So we'll see how it goes. I was thinking maybe I should wait to tell her until it's closer to when he comes out, but (and this is something I'll discuss with the psychologist) I think it might be better if she has time to process everything. It'll be interesting to see how this progresses, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. Joseph and I have been communicating for awhile now, and I'm getting positive feelings about him becoming involved in her life. I'm not worried about him pushing for more custody or anything. He's told me that he wouldn't push me to let her go live with him for the while summer or anything, that he'd probably just want to take her on vacation with him for like 2 weeks or something. This would, of course, be a long way from now when she's older and knows him well. But anyway, I'll blog tomorrow afternoon or Friday and let ya'll know how it goes!!

In other news, here are a few pictures. Monday night my dad was so cute, he went into the living room and sat down and played Barbies with Tori for about 15 minutes. It was better than any FHE. She absolutely loved it!!

...and 6 months later!

Well, it sure has been awhile. Quite awhile. Too much of awhile! Although it really feels like there isn't much that's happened. I'm still not married, I'm still loving my job, and life is pretty good. However, I'm going to attempt to remember what's happened since I last blogged.

Tori has started preschool! I can't believe my baby is that old. It almost scares me that she's going to start her 13 years of school next month. What a world this is to grow up in. It pretty much terrifies me. All I want to do is wrap her in my arms and hide her from the harsh realities of the world. Keep her innocence intact as long as I possibly can. But, since I know that would be a detriment to her, I need to learn to let her go. Makes me want to cry sometimes, but what can you do. She's having fun in preschool though! She is learning her letters and how to wash her hands. ;-) She's such a big girl.

She is also finishing her ballet classes in two weeks. I don't think I'm going to sign her up for the next set. She just doesn't enjoy it enough. She never practices at home and she never seems excited about what she learned when I pick her up from class. So we'll see what happens and if she even asks why she's not going anymore. Next year after she turns 5 I'm going to sign her up for the beginning jazz/hip hop class. I think she'd have so much more fun in that class! She loves to dance and "shake her booty" to pop music. She's so adorable!

Her favorite music right now is actually soundtracks. For about a month, maybe a little longer, pretty much the only thing she would listen to was Prince of Egypt. She would listen to the song "Deliver Us" over and over again, and if you could open her bedroom door without her noticing you would see her standing by her little baby cradle, holding one of her baby dolls in her arms wrapped in a blanket, singing her heart out to the music. It's absolutely precious and I so wish she'd let us record it, but I know that would never happen. She's now at the age when she's getting embarrassed. Such a shame! She has now started listening also to Tarzan and Swan Princess. She loves to sing and, speaking of singing, for those who weren't there, let me tell you about the Primary Program. It was her first year doing it, and I was afraid she'd be petrified! I was afraid that she wouldn't do anything, wouldn't say her line and that I'd have to take her out or something. But she stayed completely calm, said her line (something about families. I can't remember exactly what) and sat back down. She sang every song and was doing beautifully. As a mother I couldn't have been more proud. Then they started singing the last song, and I started crying. And not with pride or sadness. They were TEARS OF LAUGHTER! The song began, and all you could hear was Tori! She obviously knew this song well and I'm guessing it was her favorite song from this year because she was belting it and pretty much drown out the entire primary!! The entire ward was laughing, my whole family had tears running down our cheeks, and she was mentioned later in both Sunday School and Priesthood. It was hilarious. And when it was over and she came down to find us, she acted almost annoyed that everyone kept telling her what a good job she did. Like "what? I did what everyone else did. Can we go now?" It was SO funny and I can't wait to see if the performance is repeated next year!!

Some funny stories of Tori:

~ One of her new favorite movies is Road to El Dorado, and apparently it's been affecting her language. Last Sunday my dad was putting a church movie in for her to watch and she was a little annoyed as she wanted to watch a different movie that we don't allow her to watch on Sundays, and all of a sudden she burst out with "Papa, you're such a little twit." My dad and I looked at her startled and asked her to say that again and she repeated, "Papa, you're such a little twit." It was SO funny!!! We both burst into laughter and ever since then, we always call my dad a twit.

~Tori is now officially a member of the family! Last month at some point she suddenly started quoting Ice Age. Her favorite line from that movie is "No thanks, I choose life" from Sid the sloth. Not only that, but she'll finish that conversation! Here's how it goes,

Tori: No thanks, I choose life
Me: Then I suggest you take the shortcut!
Tori: Are you threatening me? (with the waving finger and all)
Tori and I together: MOVE SLOTH!!!

It is so adorable and such a part of the Shapiro family's lives to quote movies! To see the four year old doing it is simply fantastic. And now she's starting to quote Road to El Dorado also. I'm so proud! 'Tear'

As for me, my life is pretty much unremarkable! I did finally break it off with Dave. It was a long, drawn out and occasionally painful process, but it made things better for both of us. I know I'm happier now and more at peace, and apparently he is too. He let me know that he's already met someone new, an 18-year old girl from Canada, and he's leaving to go see her in less than two weeks. I'm glad that he's happy and moved on, but still. He goes from begging me to let him come out and see me to being in love with another girl and going out for a month to see her and hoping to come back engaged? He sure bounces back quickly. Oh well, I wish him all the best in that respect!

Otherwise, I'm still at the same job, which I love, and I'm still living with my parents. Which I probably will be doing until I eventually get married. If I ever do. Ugh, shoot me now...not that I don't love my family. But still, living with your parents at 24 can be a little trying at times. But it's best for Tori (and I don't really have enough money for rent and groceries) so I endure. Oh! I did make a new friend. Her name is Margo and she's fantastic. She's a great influence...she's challenged both of us to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the month. WHAAAT? Yeah, I know. But I've actually been keeping up and I'm already almost to the end of 2nd Nephi and it's been like 5 days. Crazy. So I'll try and keep that attempt updated.

Love you all, sorry I'm so bad about writing about our lives. This will be one of my new year's resolutions! =)

Merry Christmas to all!

Why can't we all just get along?!?

So I was watching the news this morning and the story came on about Miss California in the Miss USA pageant. Apparently, her answer to a question was most likely the reason she lost the crown. Now normally, that might be understandable. EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE!!! The question, and I can't remember the exact wording, but it was about how one of the states just made gay marriage legal and do you think the rest of the country should follow suit. First of all, why the crap would you ask them such a freaking controversial question? Obviously unless you answer YES you're going to get in trouble. Well, this girl answered that she believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman, and she wasn't trying to offend anyone, but that was her belief. And because of that gently stated opinion one of the judges publicly verbally abused her! He told her she was wrong and I believe he called her a bitch too.

You know, by giving gays, atheists and the like more rights, they're taking rights away from the rest of us! We can't believe that marriage is sanctified by God and is meant to be only between a man and woman unless we want to be aggressively harassed, we can't really be public about our religion anymore unless we want to be accused of pushing our religion on others. A teacher would be disciplined for having a Bible in plain sight. But do you think they'd be in trouble for having the Koran out? NO!!! This just pisses me off. Sometimes I just hate our world.

But you know what? I'm going to proclaim my beliefs right here right now and you can just cry about it if any of it offends you because I just don't care!! I believe in God the Father and Jesus Christ, and I believe he bled and died for us, even the ones who persecute Him and His followers! I believe that marriage and sex is sacred and is meant to be shared ONLY between a man and a woman! I believe in the right for me to read my Bible or Book of Mormon wherever I want whenever I want, and the right to share my beliefs with others! If they choose not to listen that's fine, just walk away or ask me to stop but I still have freedom of speech! I believe that whether you're black, white, red, yellow, green, male or female, we are all the same and we deserve the same rights and the racism HAS TO STOP!!! We are all children of God and we are all loved equally. So everyone just get over your prejudices and let go of the hate. Hating takes up too much energy and it only hurts the hater.

And that is my rant of the day. Just had to vent and get out all my frustration. Thank you for listening!