Monday, June 2, 2008

Contemplations and updates...

Well, I'm sitting here typing in my blog when I should be doing homework. LOL, how is this such a surprise?! I just wanted to type my thoughts and my thoughts are these. One, no matter how badly our hearts are broken they always have the capacity to heal. There may be a scar, but they can heal well enough that we can get through each day without the pain of heartache, which is a great blessing. And after they are healed we are able to find joy in the little things again. I've made a decision, and that is that I am going to fill this blog with good things from now on. Well, unless something bad happens. ;-) So here I go, talking about only the good!

I'm starting summer semester right now and I really don't think it's going to be nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. But no matter how hard it turns out to be, it's going to be worth it because it means I can graduate after fall semester! YAY!!! Well, graduate from the community college, after which I will be applying to Metro and CU-Denver for the spring. I'm pretty excited; I've been stuck at this community college far too long. It's time to stretch my wings and try something else! I'm also still working at Quiznos; the job pretty much sucks most of the time but you just can't beat having a friend as your boss and being able to pretty much set your own hours.

So I'm working part-time, going to school full-time, and I'm also a single mommy! For all you married mommies out there, you have NO IDEA!!! Only other single moms can appreciate how badly I long for a husband sometimes; not for the love and protection part, but just so SOMEONE ELSE CAN PUT HER TO BED!!! Someone to pass her off to when she starts driving me nuts!!! I'm pretty proud of myself though; I think I'm doing a pretty good job considering how much time I get to spend with her. I miss her though; this summer I'm putting in full days on Mondays and Wednesdays from 8am to 10pm, with pretty much all of that spent away from my baby. Today really sucked; I didn't get to see her at all. She was asleep when I left for school, and asleep when I left for work! I saw her for 5 min when I went to tuck her into bed tonight. Oh well, I'll probably be taking her to the zoo tomorrow so that should make up for today! :-)

Speaking of Tori, I'll bet there are those out there who are wondering how she is! She is becoming such a big girl now! What am I talking about, she IS a big girl! A big girl who is talking like no other kid her age I've ever seen. Last night, for example, I was sitting on the chair reading and she came up to me and started rubbing my arm and said this, "I go get your purse and get some gum, ok sweetiepie?" I stared in shock; she's 2 1/2 years old and she's saying SWEETIEPIE?! What the crap? I started laughing so hard; it's moments like those when I can't help giving her whatever she wants! Good thing those don't happen TOO often...Ok, so here's a really cute story. On Sundays I don't let her watch her favorite shows, which just happen to be Diego and Dora (surprise, surprise), because it's Heavenly Father's day and we only watch church movies. Well, two weeks ago, on the last Sunday of May, I decided to break my own rule. Tori had had a late nap and we were all going to play cards and I really wanted her to stay occupied. So I asked Tori if she wanted to watch a Diego movie. At first she said YES, and then she stopped. She looked at me, cocked her head and said sternly, "Mommy, I can't watch Diego today. It's SUNDAY." I just stared at her, shocked, and then I burst out laughing, gave her a hug, apologized and turned on a church movie for her. Just a little lesson for me that they ARE listening even if they never show it. It was adorable. I love that girl more than life.

I heard a Kenny Chesney song a few days ago that made me cry. It's from the perspective of a teenage boy who got a girl pregnant and realized he was going to be a daddy. At first he was kissing all his dreams goodbye and it says, "there goes my life, there goes my future...i might as well kiss it all goodbye." Then he goes to when the baby girl is 3 and he's watching her toddle upstairs to get tucked in by her mommy and he sings it again, with an entirely new meaning. While he's watching her walk up the stairs he says, "there goes my life, there goes my future..." I took that song to heart immediately. Tori has become my life; she is my everything and I can't imagine me without her. I am so grateful to have her, no matter how hard it may be, and I feel so blessed to have been trusted with the task of raising such an incredible daughter of God. I want to thank everyone who has been there for me, my friends and family. I couldn't have done it without you and I love you all so much! Until next time, adieu!

P.S. Props to Heather for commenting. I love you too! :-)


Heather said...

You are right, as a married mom I have no idea how you do it. I honestly don't think I could. You are amazing and I'm so glad that you are finding ways to be happy. Your daughter is beautiful and she's lucky to have a loving mommy like you!

Naomi Mangone said...

Likewise! I am a single mama- but at least my baby's daddy is AROUND and puts him to bed 43% of the time :)

Jeremy and Molly Horn said...

You are one strong woman, I really don't know how you do it. I love and miss you a ton.
Check out my blog