Update!

So I know I promised an update the day I spoke with the psychologist, but things kept happening so I decided to wait until everything was figured out and I could say for certain what was going to happen! I spoke with Dr. Marsh on Thursday last week and I must say, I think it was worth the $130 (ouch). She brought up many things I hadn't thought about and also affirmed things that I'd already planned on doing. One thing she brought up was that Tori is starting kindergarten this year. I already knew this of course, but what I hadn't thought about was that that is a HUGE change in her life! She'll be going from an in-home preschool with only 7 other kids to a classroom with around 20 other kids in a school with hundreds of older kids! Joseph was planning on coming out in August but she said he should definitely come out earlier so that she can handle those two things separately. Otherwise she'd probably get really stressed out and that would come out in her behavior since she won't know any other way to express what she's feeling. So he is now coming out over the 4th of July weekend. He'll be here until that Monday afternoon. I feel this is a good thing. I'm telling her this weekend so that she has time to process and ask all her little questions before he comes out. It'll probably be a roller coaster I'm sure, but I think it'll be worth it in the long run.

Dr. Marsh also said that once I tell her there needs to be a lot of contact between her and Joseph. Phone calls, webcamming, letters, etc. She needs to have a connection before they meet in person. Fortunately I have pictures of the two of them as well as the three of us from when she was a tiny baby so I can use those to connect her to him and I'm planning on putting those pictures into a photo album for her. So wish me luck! I'll blog next week after it all goes down! Thank you to everyone for your support!!

The time has come...

...to tell Tori about her father. I'm a little nervous, but I know it's for the best. Especially because she thinks that MY dad is her dad. One because we call him dad and two, well, because she doesn't understand biology. Which is perfectly fine with me!! So tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a child psychologist Tori's pediatrician recommended so I can get her feedback on how this will affect her at this stage in her development and also what I can expect in the future. Tori's dad is planning on coming out and visiting in August which is the other factor in my deciding to tell her now. She should know who her father is when he comes out to visit. I've already kind of introduced her to him. He's called and they've spoken on the phone. She knows him as "Joseph, Mommy's friend". So we'll see how it goes. I was thinking maybe I should wait to tell her until it's closer to when he comes out, but (and this is something I'll discuss with the psychologist) I think it might be better if she has time to process everything. It'll be interesting to see how this progresses, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. Joseph and I have been communicating for awhile now, and I'm getting positive feelings about him becoming involved in her life. I'm not worried about him pushing for more custody or anything. He's told me that he wouldn't push me to let her go live with him for the while summer or anything, that he'd probably just want to take her on vacation with him for like 2 weeks or something. This would, of course, be a long way from now when she's older and knows him well. But anyway, I'll blog tomorrow afternoon or Friday and let ya'll know how it goes!!

In other news, here are a few pictures. Monday night my dad was so cute, he went into the living room and sat down and played Barbies with Tori for about 15 minutes. It was better than any FHE. She absolutely loved it!!

...and 6 months later!

Well, it sure has been awhile. Quite awhile. Too much of awhile! Although it really feels like there isn't much that's happened. I'm still not married, I'm still loving my job, and life is pretty good. However, I'm going to attempt to remember what's happened since I last blogged.

Tori has started preschool! I can't believe my baby is that old. It almost scares me that she's going to start her 13 years of school next month. What a world this is to grow up in. It pretty much terrifies me. All I want to do is wrap her in my arms and hide her from the harsh realities of the world. Keep her innocence intact as long as I possibly can. But, since I know that would be a detriment to her, I need to learn to let her go. Makes me want to cry sometimes, but what can you do. She's having fun in preschool though! She is learning her letters and how to wash her hands. ;-) She's such a big girl.

She is also finishing her ballet classes in two weeks. I don't think I'm going to sign her up for the next set. She just doesn't enjoy it enough. She never practices at home and she never seems excited about what she learned when I pick her up from class. So we'll see what happens and if she even asks why she's not going anymore. Next year after she turns 5 I'm going to sign her up for the beginning jazz/hip hop class. I think she'd have so much more fun in that class! She loves to dance and "shake her booty" to pop music. She's so adorable!

Her favorite music right now is actually soundtracks. For about a month, maybe a little longer, pretty much the only thing she would listen to was Prince of Egypt. She would listen to the song "Deliver Us" over and over again, and if you could open her bedroom door without her noticing you would see her standing by her little baby cradle, holding one of her baby dolls in her arms wrapped in a blanket, singing her heart out to the music. It's absolutely precious and I so wish she'd let us record it, but I know that would never happen. She's now at the age when she's getting embarrassed. Such a shame! She has now started listening also to Tarzan and Swan Princess. She loves to sing and, speaking of singing, for those who weren't there, let me tell you about the Primary Program. It was her first year doing it, and I was afraid she'd be petrified! I was afraid that she wouldn't do anything, wouldn't say her line and that I'd have to take her out or something. But she stayed completely calm, said her line (something about families. I can't remember exactly what) and sat back down. She sang every song and was doing beautifully. As a mother I couldn't have been more proud. Then they started singing the last song, and I started crying. And not with pride or sadness. They were TEARS OF LAUGHTER! The song began, and all you could hear was Tori! She obviously knew this song well and I'm guessing it was her favorite song from this year because she was belting it and pretty much drown out the entire primary!! The entire ward was laughing, my whole family had tears running down our cheeks, and she was mentioned later in both Sunday School and Priesthood. It was hilarious. And when it was over and she came down to find us, she acted almost annoyed that everyone kept telling her what a good job she did. Like "what? I did what everyone else did. Can we go now?" It was SO funny and I can't wait to see if the performance is repeated next year!!

Some funny stories of Tori:

~ One of her new favorite movies is Road to El Dorado, and apparently it's been affecting her language. Last Sunday my dad was putting a church movie in for her to watch and she was a little annoyed as she wanted to watch a different movie that we don't allow her to watch on Sundays, and all of a sudden she burst out with "Papa, you're such a little twit." My dad and I looked at her startled and asked her to say that again and she repeated, "Papa, you're such a little twit." It was SO funny!!! We both burst into laughter and ever since then, we always call my dad a twit.

~Tori is now officially a member of the family! Last month at some point she suddenly started quoting Ice Age. Her favorite line from that movie is "No thanks, I choose life" from Sid the sloth. Not only that, but she'll finish that conversation! Here's how it goes,

Tori: No thanks, I choose life
Me: Then I suggest you take the shortcut!
Tori: Are you threatening me? (with the waving finger and all)
Tori and I together: MOVE SLOTH!!!

It is so adorable and such a part of the Shapiro family's lives to quote movies! To see the four year old doing it is simply fantastic. And now she's starting to quote Road to El Dorado also. I'm so proud! 'Tear'

As for me, my life is pretty much unremarkable! I did finally break it off with Dave. It was a long, drawn out and occasionally painful process, but it made things better for both of us. I know I'm happier now and more at peace, and apparently he is too. He let me know that he's already met someone new, an 18-year old girl from Canada, and he's leaving to go see her in less than two weeks. I'm glad that he's happy and moved on, but still. He goes from begging me to let him come out and see me to being in love with another girl and going out for a month to see her and hoping to come back engaged? He sure bounces back quickly. Oh well, I wish him all the best in that respect!

Otherwise, I'm still at the same job, which I love, and I'm still living with my parents. Which I probably will be doing until I eventually get married. If I ever do. Ugh, shoot me now...not that I don't love my family. But still, living with your parents at 24 can be a little trying at times. But it's best for Tori (and I don't really have enough money for rent and groceries) so I endure. Oh! I did make a new friend. Her name is Margo and she's fantastic. She's a great influence...she's challenged both of us to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the month. WHAAAT? Yeah, I know. But I've actually been keeping up and I'm already almost to the end of 2nd Nephi and it's been like 5 days. Crazy. So I'll try and keep that attempt updated.

Love you all, sorry I'm so bad about writing about our lives. This will be one of my new year's resolutions! =)

Merry Christmas to all!

Why can't we all just get along?!?

So I was watching the news this morning and the story came on about Miss California in the Miss USA pageant. Apparently, her answer to a question was most likely the reason she lost the crown. Now normally, that might be understandable. EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE!!! The question, and I can't remember the exact wording, but it was about how one of the states just made gay marriage legal and do you think the rest of the country should follow suit. First of all, why the crap would you ask them such a freaking controversial question? Obviously unless you answer YES you're going to get in trouble. Well, this girl answered that she believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman, and she wasn't trying to offend anyone, but that was her belief. And because of that gently stated opinion one of the judges publicly verbally abused her! He told her she was wrong and I believe he called her a bitch too.

You know, by giving gays, atheists and the like more rights, they're taking rights away from the rest of us! We can't believe that marriage is sanctified by God and is meant to be only between a man and woman unless we want to be aggressively harassed, we can't really be public about our religion anymore unless we want to be accused of pushing our religion on others. A teacher would be disciplined for having a Bible in plain sight. But do you think they'd be in trouble for having the Koran out? NO!!! This just pisses me off. Sometimes I just hate our world.

But you know what? I'm going to proclaim my beliefs right here right now and you can just cry about it if any of it offends you because I just don't care!! I believe in God the Father and Jesus Christ, and I believe he bled and died for us, even the ones who persecute Him and His followers! I believe that marriage and sex is sacred and is meant to be shared ONLY between a man and a woman! I believe in the right for me to read my Bible or Book of Mormon wherever I want whenever I want, and the right to share my beliefs with others! If they choose not to listen that's fine, just walk away or ask me to stop but I still have freedom of speech! I believe that whether you're black, white, red, yellow, green, male or female, we are all the same and we deserve the same rights and the racism HAS TO STOP!!! We are all children of God and we are all loved equally. So everyone just get over your prejudices and let go of the hate. Hating takes up too much energy and it only hurts the hater.

And that is my rant of the day. Just had to vent and get out all my frustration. Thank you for listening!

MTC and thoughts about growing older

Well, I have a lot more to catch everyone up on!!! I'll start with dropping Adam off at the MTC. We took Dad's truck out because we had so much stuff and his cab isn't the extended version so the ride out was HORRIBLE!!! Imagine, we had 2 adults (neither one of us is tiny) and a car seat crammed into the back of a truck. And my father is a man and therefore wasn't too concerned with comfort when he bought his truck. So needless to say, the trip out was interesting. But we got there, and once we were there we had a really great time.

The night before Adam was to report to the MTC we had a family meeting which I recommend to any family who has a child about to leave for a mission. It gets the tears out in the privacy of your own home so you're not wailing and heaving for breath in front of a thousand other mothers and sisters. We all sat in my cousin Tara's front room and we each told Adam our favorite memories of him and bore him our testimony. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had with my family. And it got even better. Dad gave Adam his last father's blessing, and when it was over I told Adam that he should give his mother a blessing. What followed was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had! My brother definitely has the gift of a closeness with the Spirit. He gave Mom an incredible blessing and after he gave the rest of us blessings. It was so amazing. The Spirit was so strong in that room and I never wanted it to end.

The next day we went to drop him off. Haley couldn't be there because of her classes (silly senior trying to graduate) and Tara was sweet enough to watch Tori for us, so it was just the parents, the missionary and Taylor and I. Since we'd gotten all the emotion out of the way the night before, it was only fun while we were there. Taking pictures and watching Mom put his name tag on...it was great. There were a few tears shed when he was hugging us good bye, but the prevaling feeling for all of us was mostly a peaceful pride. He's giving his life to the Lord and we couldn't be more proud. He is now in Georgia and doing great! He's having the time of his life and I can't wait to finally get pictures from him! A few pictures follow...

As I embark on my 25th year of life I have been doing a lot of contemplation. Where am I going with my life and how can I improve it, how can I become a better mother, etc. By starting my new job, I am severely cutting down my time with Tori and I need to have some serious time management when I am home. Fortunately, summer is coming and during the summer Tori won't be going to bed until 8 or 8:30, so I can take her to the park when it's nice because it'll still be light. We will also, of course, have Saturdays when I can take her to the zoo or something fun.

Beginning my medical assisting job is, I believe, a way of improving my life because I am finally going to be putting into practice an education I spent a great deal of money on. I still want to go to school to become a social worker (my dream is to work with pregnant teens at LDS Social Services, surprise surprise) but in the meantime I will be earning enough to hopefully pay off my credit card debts in 6 months or less, after which I can either start packing that money away in savings or go full steam into paying off my student loans. I haven't decided which yet. But I am getting very excited about the path my life is taking.

I have also decided to begin daily scripture study in an effort to get closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior. I have been slacking hard core on it for the past...well, year, and it's time to get off my butt and start being serious about this. I have been lazy about my involvement in the church, and not going to my ward hasn't helped at all. But I have started going to the ward where my records are, the Crowfoot singles ward, and before too long I will hopefully get a calling and start becoming much more involved. I'm glad that I'm finally growing up, even though it's taken me 25 years to get there!

Love you all, more later!

Finally...an update!!

Wow, I can't believe it's seriously been 4 months since I've posted last!! To catch you all up, I obviously didn't end up completing the cleanse. I'm just not strong enough I guess...or I just like eating too much. Either way, it just didn't happen. Oh well, maybe next time! In December a friend from England came out to visit who wanted to marry me. We had a really good time while he was out here, but I came to the conclusion that it just isn't meant to be and we broke it off...well, today. I feel really bad for him because I've been there, but I'm also glad it's over. A lot of stress will be alleviated for letting it go. So anyway, because he was coming out I ended up taking the entire month of December off from work and spent it in Utah, coming home for Christmas. During that time, Quiznos became Otto's Deli, and the owner decided to keep me on as an employee. I started working there again in January, and really didn't enjoy it too much. I wasn't really actively looking for a job, but I was waiting for a good opportunity. 

Well, early last month an email was sent out through HRBB (a yahoo email group I'm a part of) from a woman who was looking for a full-time receptionist for her husband who is a podiatrist. She wrote that if we knew of anyone who was looking to have them email her their resume. Well, I jumped at the chance! I didn't have much experience with...how would you say that? Receiving? Anyway, my only real experience was my Saturday job with Classy Closets and even though I did that for about 2 years it still wasn't much because it was so slow there on Saturdays. But I sent her my resume anyway, hoping that my medical background would count for something! 3 weeks went by and I heard nothing, so I emailed her and asked if there were any updates. Another week went by and I had still heard nothing so I figured the position had been filled and was a little put out that she hadn't at least let me know. But Monday, she called me! She said that they were very interested in interviewing me because he was not only looking for a receptionist but also a medical assistant, and how providential that I have a background in both! So I went to the interview on Tuesday and was offered the job on Wednesday!!! I am very happy to say that I am now in my last two weeks at Otto's Deli and will soon be starting my new job as a receptionist/medical assistant for Dr. Field at the Renewal Medical Center!! I'm so thrilled; the last doctor I worked for, well, we all hated his wife. She would come in and move things she had no business moving, organizing without any idea of how to do it, and throw away food without asking who's it was or when they had brought it in. She tossed my can of Diet Coke that I had opened 30 minutes before! But Dr. Field's wife, Angie, is AWESOME!! I can tell that I am going to get along so well in there and I'm very excited to work with LDS people again! That's right, the doctor and his wife are in the Highlands Ranch stake! It's going to be such a wonderful experience and I feel so incredibly blessed for this opportunity. I don't deserve it but I'm going to try and live up to it the best that I can! 

Other than that, not much else is new. I'm not going to school right now because this economy is kind of freaking me out and I really want to get out of credit card debt before I do anything else. So this full-time job is a blessing times 2 because it'll help me get out of debt so much faster!!!

Tori is still growing like a bean pole...her legs are getting so long! She's having a hard time with her temper right now. Whenever she gets angry or frustrated she doesn't stop to thing, just lashes out by either hitting or throwing things and it's driving me nuts. If anyone has any advice for that PLEASE let me know!!!

I promise I will start doing better about blogging...tomorrow I'm hoping to be able to blog about dropping Adam off at the MTC!

Hugs!

Baby, IT'S ON!!!!

Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm finally over the illness that has plagued me for the last week. And you know what that means...not only am I able to clean the house for Mom's return (yayyyyy...) but I've, once again, started THE CLEANSE!!!!! I have my HoodiThin, my lemonade and because of my beautiful friend Naomi (love you girl!) I DON'T HAVE TO PUT THE CAYENNE PEPPER IN MY LEMONADE!!! She got the brilliant idea to buy gelatin capsules and put the cayenne pepper in there! It's brilliant because having to drink the pepper? HELL ON EARTH! So I'm all set to go and I'm way excited about it and the best thing? My 10th day is going to be next week on Thursday! Which means that if I feel like having a steamer from Starbucks while waiting in line for the midnight showing of TWILIGHT(!!!!) I can! I'm not sure that I will as this cleanse is supposed to take away all cravings for sugar and junk food (I cannot say enough how excited I am about that) but we'll see. Wish me luck and this time I really will keep you informed!!! :-D

I can tell you this, this morning while juicing my lemons I was SOOO hungry. You know that feeling when you're stomach is so empty that it feels like it's eating itself? It's wonderful right? Well only 10 minutes after drinking the HoodiThin and my first glass of lemonade of the day it was gone!! I'm not feeling overwhelmingly hungry anymore! It's WONDERFUL!!!

The remnents of my lemons for my day's supply of lemonade! :-)



This is ALL that's going in my stomach for the next 10 days!