Have you seen YOUR miracles?

I recently read Elizabeth Smart's new book, written about her experience during her kidnapping. It was extremely heartbreaking and, at times, disturbing reading what she experienced. But something she wrote really stuck with me. In the middle of one of the darkest experiences I've ever heard of, she would write about miracles she experienced. Moments when she felt angels surrounding and lifting her. And, in the course of the story, she challenged the reader to look for and recognize the miracles  in their own lives. Since then, I've been paying attention. And what miracles I've seen! Here are a few of my recent miracles:

1. Tori and I are getting along. We haven't had a knockdown, drag out fight for weeks! My house might be a mess, but we're busy being our own little family. And that's ok. The more we fall into being on our own, the cleaner the house will be able to stay...hopefully. ;)

2. I was able to stretch out my gas until tomorrow...when I get paid. I'm currently on empty (as is my bank account).

3. Tori is doing GREAT in school! She is getting "in trouble" (they just don't get in trouble often in this school) for reading when she isn't supposed to and she does her homework with a minimum of fuss. She's happy when she comes home and she's happy when we go to bed. We're reading Little House in the Big Woods right now. She loves it.

4. I have wonderful parents who are always willing to help me out when I need it. And an ADORABLE nephew who I love to smother with kisses.

This leads me into my "thankful" post for today. Tori was in her room listening to her "Spotifie" playlists on the iPad while I cleaned up the main room. Suddenly, she ran out of her room saying, "I don't know what I did! I didn't mean to, mommy!" I, of course, asked her what was wrong. She said, "I don't know what I pushed, but I saw an inappropriate picture of a music woman and it scared me! I turned off the iPad!" Cue the sobbing. I hugged her and told her she did exactly the right thing. She saw something that scared her, turned it off and came and told mommy. I was so grateful she did that! Once she saw the chocolate chips I had out she calmed down. I then asked her if she could describe what it was that she saw. She said it was a woman lying on a cloud, naked, with a cloud covering her bum. Damn you, Katy Perry. So today, I am so very grateful for the innocence of children.

That ends my post! Now I challenge you: at least once every day, look for the miracles in YOUR life and write them in your journal. And if you don't have a journal, get one. You'll be amazed at what you find when you look.

What can we do?

(This is a follow up to the question I asked on Facebook. I've linked my sources if you're interested in reading them.)

I don't have cable. I need to get an antenna so I can get local news channels, but I haven't done that yet. So I'll be the first to admit that I haven't been keeping up with local news and what's going on in the world. In fact, what I hear and read about frustrates me so much that I start avoiding just to keep my sanity. This morning for the first time in months I turned on Glenn Beck's radio program. Now, the guy can be a little extreme. He goes off on his rants and sometimes I don't agree with everything he says. However, he's also the one who is absolutely determined to push the important news stories that the other big news outlets don't always push. Usually you can find articles, they'll cover these stories, but it's usually not front page news. Apparently hundreds of deaths in Egypt isn't spectacular enough for the front page. Anyway, so it was this morning, through Glenn, that I heard about what was happening in Egypt. I immediately got on the internet to look up this story and see what other news sources were saying about it. What I found was extremely disturbing to me.

The Muslim Brotherhood has been a focus of Glenn's for some time now. I haven't followed it incredibly closely, but I know he accuses several people in office of being in bed with them. And now, in Egypt, they are showing their true colors. For some reason, they are blaming the Coptic Christians for their chosen Muslim Brotherhood president being kicked out of office. What followed was a bloodbath. While going through the articles and stories, I saw an extremely disturbing similarity to Kristallnacht, the night of broken glass. Dozens of Christian churches throughout Egypt have been burned or destroyed. Christians have been raped, beaten and killed just for their faith. An orphanage was attacked. 3 nuns, women who have dedicated their lives to Christ, were paraded through the streets, abused and harassed, and probably would have been killed had a Muslim woman not given them refuge. Their shops were being marked with black or red x's, so the rioters would know which places to destroy.

After reading all these horrific stories, I began to reflect on WWII and the Jewish genocide. Or, as a friend of facebook pointed out, the African American oppression and enslavement that was going on right here at home. I began to consider what my reaction might have been, had I been alive at that time. Would I have gone with the status quo? Would I have disagreed with the slavery, murder, torture and rape silently? Or would I have spoken up, making it clear where I stood? And what am I doing about our country today?

There are some serious problems in our country right now. The racial divide is only growing bigger, certainly being helped along by our celebrities, people whom so many in our country trust and look up to. Our own president gave a speech that also created a "them" vs. "us" situation. Was he wrong in addressing some of the problems facing black men of today? Certainly not. Could he have done it in a less inflammatory manner? I think the answer is a resounding yes. Unlike this man, our president didn't acknowledge the areas in which young black males help further the negative view of them he mentions. Overall, I was not impressed. For a man who claims he wants to unite our country and bring us together as one people, all he seems to do is make it worse.

There are people in our country who are standing up for pedophiles. There are teens as young as 15 who commit murder "for the fun of it". In over half the states in our nation, people on welfare are making more each year than those hardworking individuals who are supplying that welfare. There's a group in California who will deliver free condoms to children as young as 12. Instead of focusing on the decline of family values and the divine parental responsibility we have to raise our children to respect and value life, we blame guns and race when murder happens and turn it into a political platform. Is it a coincidence that as the value of marriage and the nuclear family declines and divorce rates and single mothers raising children alone rise, so is the violence in our country? I don't think so. As a single mother myself, I know that I cannot do as good a job raising my daughter as I could if I had a partner to help me. God has been evicted from our schools and we wonder why we have children killing children? With evil now being portrayed as good and good as evil, I don't know how anyone can be surprised.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being a part of the silent majority. I'm sick of sticking my head in the sand and ignoring the problems that are happening around me. We have a responsibility to help to shape the direction our country is headed, and we need to stand! I'm still not sure how I can help change things, but I know I'm going to start with my daughter. I'm going to teach her about the way things used to be, and how damaging it is to follow the status quo. I want to raise her to be her own person, someone who knows what she believes in and stands up for it. I hope you'll stand with me on this. I hope you'll be able to see that it's not about whether you're a democrat or republican, a progressive or libertarian. It's about morals and values, and the basic understanding of what is right and what is wrong. It's about hope for our future and the courage to see it through.

Bored at work...

Today is Thursday, which means that the doc I work for is in Brigham City seeing patients and I'm here in Logan covering phones. And as the phones hardly seem to ring on Thurs mornings, it means I'm generally left with a shortage of things to do. Therefore, I decided to utilize this time to update my friends on my life! Isn't that just the best idea ever?! :-)

First, work. I'm actually really enjoying working at Alpine, despite my slow Thursday mornings. I've been trained to work with two different physicians and next week I start training on the billing side. I'm a Jack of all trades! Hey, it's job security. Most of the people I work with are great. Really friendly and welcoming. There are a couple people who are a little standoffish, but maybe they're just shy. Or stressed. Or whatever. I don't let it bother me, you get those in every office. I'm LOVING having Fridays off! It's like I get two Saturdays! I never want to go back to a 5 day work week.

The apartment is growing on me. It's still seriously small, but I'm finding ways to work with it, and I'm sure I'll continue to find more. I still hate having to beg ask people to use their washing machine, but it's ok. I need to figure out something for Tori's room though. I think I might get a small bookshelf for her room. Right now all her books (you know, the ones she never reads) are in the bottom dresser drawer. But if I could clear that space I could put the toys that find themselves scattered around the periphery of her room in there. But that's what KSL is for! I'm still dealing with the "old house" smell and freaking nasty ancient carpet. I'm planning on carpet cleaning probably next week on the 4th. Then we can go camping and let it dry all weekend. I have been seeing spiders around too. Which shouldn't be a surprise, we had about a million ladybug eggs laid right outside our front door. Tori was super excited about it because she learned about ladybugs and their life cycles in school. She immediately became the "mommy" and now has little grubs and ladybugs everywhere. It's a full on feast for the spiders. I'm about to go kamikaze on those bitches. I need to go to Home Depot and see if they have anything for spiders that's safe to use indoors. In the meantime, I've got a gun fly swatter. I'll get em.

Tori's still managing ok. It's hard for her to be missing all her friends, but she's actually doing better than I'd expected. She's all about the running away right now which is driving me crazy, but we'll get through it. My parents are coming out today, which I think will really help. Once she makes some friends close by we'll be golden!

I'm going to finish with some pictures. I know I still haven't posted that vlog of our apartment I promised, but as soon as I get the carpets cleaned and stuff I'll do it. I swear! :-) Until next time, loves!

My first week

Well, I've officially been living in Utah for a week and it's been...interesting. Can I just start by saying how much I hate unpacking? Wait, I don't think you caught that. I HATE UNPACKING!!! My closet at home was wonderful. My dad had outfitted it Classy/California Closets style, and I had almost more shelving than I knew what to do with. So going from that to an old attic apartment with almost no storage to speak of...I've got a lot of crap that I don't know what to do with! It's fun. :-) Thank heavens I have an amazing sister in law who is a master at tackling projects head on that I would rather avoid. She and Adam came down last weekend to help me move in and with their help I got my kitchen completely set up and my front room done! Well, until I started unpacking my DVDs and realized I have WAY too many. Good news on that is I found some clear DVD storage cases that can be zipped up and stored under a bed. I got 4 (they hold 35-40 each) for $11. Can't wait to get those so I can get the rest of the mess out of my front room!

So the first night we spent at Haley's house. We showered there and headed over to the apartment to start unpacking. Gotta say, there are some great people in Utah. We were counting on Adam to help with the heavy lifting, but that morning he decided to be a dork great husband and let his wife sleep in because they'd been up late. So they didn't get down till around 2-3. But we weren't willing to wait around for that, so the guy who lives below me was fortunately willing to pitch in with mattresses and bed frames. My cousins stopped by and made short work of the boxes, and then some random guy on a walk with his girlfriend stopped and offered to help with the dressers. Milly made me laugh when she commented that he was just showing off for his girlfriend, but hey. I was the one benefiting so I was good with it! Anyway, at this point it looked like my dad's truck had vomited all over my tiny apartment. (The girls made fun of my awesome Buffy obsession calendar, but I forgave them.)

Pregnant chick was whining politely requesting some food by this point, so I ordered pizza. Haley took Tori and picked it up, and Adam and Nykele showed up soon after. They and Dad left for the storage unit to get the rest of my stuff, Haley went to the store to get me some basics, like toilet paper (only a little important), and I continued to avoid unpacking. Anyway, to make a long story short, Adam and Nykele helped me get my kitchen put together and I got my room to the point where Tori and I were able to sleep there that night.

Ok, now for my awesome bathroom experience. So Saturday night I stopped at hell Wal-Mart on the way back from Haley's house because I didn't have the ability to shower. Seriously, you should have seen the shower head on this shower. There was more lime than plastic showing. I had a shower head I'd ordered online, but when I went to install it, the pipe was 3/8" and the shower head was 1/2". ARGH! So I knew I'd need to go to Home Depot and get an adapter, but hey, I need to shower. So I figured I'd deal with the nasty one until Monday. I got a cute shower curtain and some hooks and figured I'd be set...until I got home. I went in to get the curtain up so we could shower the next day and just stood there staring in dismay. The "curtain rod" was a stick of wood freaking 2" in diameter. My shower hooks just laughed at me when I tried to get them on it. I almost started crying. Keep in mind, at this point it was about midnight. So Tori and I had to go back to Haley's to shower before church the next day. Sigh. Side note: that night we went to Grandpa and Nana's for a Memorial Day BBQ. I walked in and remembered Ben (my downstairs neighbor) saying he'd better be nice to me since I'm the landlord's granddaughter. Made me chuckle.

So onto Monday. Haley was an angel and took Tori with her up to the mountains. Allen's family all went up and played all day so she had tons of kiddos to play with. On the way home after I picked her up, she kept going on about her "cousins" and "other grandpa". She's totally adopted Haley's in-laws. It was pretty cute. So anyway, I had a whole day to keep going on organizing. Obviously I didn't shower. I actually turned on the shower to see if I might be able to shower without a curtain if I was careful...and the water immediately started spraying straight out to the sides. So much for that. Adam and Nykele helped my dad organize the storage unit that morning, then came back with him. He grabbed my empty boxes and took them back with him, and Adam and Nykele helped me organize my front room, including getting my tv stuff set up. They're awesome! I went with them to Bed, Bath and Beyond where I kicked off my errands by picking up a new shower rod (I decided to simply ignore the monstrosity) and a wall mirror. From there I went to Wal-Mart where I found fans for our bedrooms and shower hooks, then stopped at Home Depot where I found my adaptor! I was able to hang my shower curtain and use my new shower head just in time for my new job! Yay!

So now onto my new job. My first day was Tuesday. It was the first day back after a holiday weekend when the doc was on call. His nurse ended up adding 9 extra patients to an already packed day. By the afternoon, people were laughing at me when they found out it was my first day. Toward the end of the day Kathy (the nurse I work with) admitted that this was the worst day she's ever seen there. So with that back story...it actually hasn't been too bad! That first day (morning) I followed Christina (office manager) around, watching and observing. By that afternoon, the entire office was so nuts that I was taking patients back by myself. Good thing I'm so awesome! By the time the last patient was *finally* being seen, I was sitting like a zombie. Christina told me to go ahead and leave (around 5:35), I went and picked up Tori (Ann took pity on me and fed us) and we were in bed and asleep by 8:30! It hasn't been quite as crazy since, but it's definitely never boring.

One factor of this that will be interesting is seeing how and where to draw the lines. Ann's watching Tori for me right now while I'm working, which is actually really nice because it's only about 5 min from my house, then 5 min to work from hers. But we've never lived near Ann, we've only ever visited. And when we visit, we're over there all the time. So now I get to try and manage a balance between being able to be there to visit and spend time, while also not overstaying my welcome. And trying to help Tori appreciate the difference between visiting and living here and how that affects her ability to go over to Ann's whenever she wants. Wish me luck! 

So anyway, that's my story so far! Once I get my apartment to a non-embarrassing stage, I'll do that vlog I promised. Love to you all! <3 p="">

From University until almost Fort Collins...this is what my speedometer looked like on I-25! What a great way to begin my trip! :-P

Yep, Wyoming is pretty awesome. This was at Little America.

Tori has the BEST bedhead! This was the morning after we got there.

Freaking love this picture.

First thing Tori finds a place for in the new apartment? Her bow.

Haley = 3.5 months baby, Adam = 3.5 slices of pizza.

Adam got to be a human jack while we placed the bricks under my mattress.

Adam and Nykele got this dress for Tori from Ghana. GORGEOUS dress, but Tori wouldn't stay still for a dang picture! :)

Some of the girls at work gave me a fortune cookie on Thursday. I opened it up at this is what it said. Pretty appropriate, I thought! :)

Tori and I went with Ann and the fam to Second Dam for dinner on Thursday night. It was SO beautiful, and literally just up 4th North from my apartment. I'm thinking it's a place we'll have to go often. :)

Peanut Butter--A new way of living.

Whenever I've found a disc that looks like there are more scratches than not, I pronounce it DOA and pitch it in the trash. Most of the time I'm a little disappointed, but forget about it soon after it's gone. Tonight I was going through my old CDs while packing up my closet and I found my POPS Concert CD from 2002. Holy crap. I couldn't wait to listen to it! I stuck it in my computer and waited for the amazing sounds of high school singing to ring in my ears. But all the came out of my computer was a horrible squealing sound! I took out the disc and looked at the back. Scratches. All I could see were scratches! I was so sad! Then, in the back of my mind, I remembered something from my Pinterest-obsessed days I heard once. That peanut butter can help fill in those deadly scratches and allow a CD to play again. I decided I had to try it, for this CD at least. So I dug into my dad's sacred supply of Skippy.

Guess what? IT WORKED!!! I was able to save all those off-key wonderful songs. Ahhh, the memories it brings back! Choir is definitely the only part of high school I really miss. 

**UPDATE** The peanut butter only lasted me through 12 tracks. I'm guessing it wears off because track 13 got stuck. So I tried toothpaste. Worked a treat, with the side effect of smelling minty fresh! Love these household tricks!

Update from the past year!

My last post was in 2011?! Someone should slap me! Boy do I have some catching up to do! Here we go:

We're moving! I've been accepted to USU in the fall and we'll be out there by late June at the latest. And I've changed my major...again...so I'll be in school forever for another 2 years. I haven't found a job yet but all I need is to find something to tide me over for 6-9 months and then I'll be able to work for my dad. Pray for me! I REALLY don't want to end up working in the food industry!

The house is going on the market on Thursday (thank you Uncle Kent) and we could be out there as early as mid-May. Second piece of exciting news: Tori and I will be in our own apartment! I can't even describe how excited I am to FINALLY be on my own! Living with my parents has been very cost effective and great for Tori, but it's beyond overdue for me to be living on my own. The apartment we'll be living in will be available middle of next month, so instead of living with my aunt as was the original plan, Tori and I will be able to go straight into our apartment. Thank goodness. I was dreading the idea of moving, living with Ann, then moving into the apartment and starting school all in a couple weeks. Tori needs adjustment periods, she wouldn't be able to handle that. So I'll keep everyone updated with pictures, and maybe even a vlog once we're settled! :)

Tori's been doing well in school, and she was accepted to Thomas Edison for 3rd grade, which I'm really excited about. Haley works there and Ann's kids go there as well, so she'll be in good company. She'll have a lot of catching up to do since they don't do ability grouping, but I know she can manage it. She recently did a huge Ellis Island project at school where she had to pick a country her ancestors were from, write a report and make a doll with the traditional clothing. She chose Scotland and did such a great job! I was very proud of her. :) She's still struggling to enjoy reading, but I have faith that we'll get there eventually! I'm hoping the Spaulding method used at Thomas Edison will help her comprehension level increase. We'll see. She's getting more excited about moving! Ann was here for about 2 weeks and Tori had a mental breakdown hard time after they left. She loves having friends to play with and I used that as an example of why she should be so excited to move! :)

Um...what else happened in 2012? Let's see...

January:

• Broncos made it to the play offs only to lose badly to the Pats, but the Tebow fever led to David Boreanaz doing the "Tebow", which was pretty much the most amazing thing about January 2012.

February:

• I decided to try the Primal lifestyle. I failed.

March:

• Tebow was fired from the Broncos. 'Sob' Oh yeah, and I turned 27.

April:

• Learned about Ramin's new CD, immediately became impatient. And I discovered TBBT!

• Great quotes from Tori including:

         Tori: why are they called potstickers?
         Me: because they stick to the pot.
         Tori: why do they stick to the pot?
         Me: because they're potstickers.
         And on and on...

         Tori: "You should get me some wheat Chex."
         Nana: "We have wheat Chex."
         Tori: "No, I mean the ones with frosting on it."
         Nana: "You mean mini-wheats?"
         Tori: "Yeah. Those are supposed to help keep me focused."
         Advertising 1, Nutrition 0.

May:

• Discovered that May 4th is Geek Star Wars Day. "May the Fourth be with you." 

• Tori had a sleep study at Children's Hospital. They found out she's completely normal for the low, low price of $1400. Awesome. 
• Found out Ramin Karimloo was going to be in Chicago for a concert. Immediately bought a ticket to visit Margo in Sept...in Chicago.
• Discovered the amazingness of Juice Plus...and haven't had a bad illness since.
• More Tori quotes:

         Taylor: "Tori, you need to listen to your mother."
         Tori: "No I don't, she's not my mother. She's my step-mother. She's mean."
         Me: "Oh really? So who's your mother?"
         Tori: "Taylor." ...well, naturally.

         Tori: "I'm the most specialist girl in the whole entire world."
         Me: "You're the most specialist girl in the whole entire world to me."
         Tori: "And everyone in Virginia." ....ok.

June:

• Started summer classes
• Colorado was set ablaze and it seemed like the entire state would burn.
• I WON A FREE IPAD!!! Because Mary Jane Ogle is freaking awesome! :)

July:

• Time for Tori quotes!

         Tori: "You scream like a girl!"
         Taylor: "No I don't."
         Tori: "Yes you do. Because you are a girl! ...hey, do you want some of my hair for free?"

• Got my Tower Garden! Didn't work out so well, but I have high hopes for this year! :)
• BRAVE!!!
• Discovered the amazing YouTube video where Buffy kills Edward. Hell yeah.
• Aurora shooting. :(
• Olympics!

August:

• Discovered the amazing delights of Diamond Candles
• Started full-time school!
• Discovered the wonderful world of Fringe.

September:

• RAMIN!!!!!!! And I got to hang out with Margo! Such a great week! :)

October:

• Presidential election time: "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter." --MLK, Jr.
• Tori made a beautiful Harry Potter for Halloween!

November:

• Devastated when Obama won for another 4 years.
• Had tons of fun in Utah over Thanksgiving.

December:

• Tori decided to start answering to Alice instead of her own name.
• The world didn't end.
• Saw, and loved, Les Mis.

Now for something that deserved more than a bullet in a month. In November one of my closest friends, Ashley Simmons, went back to heaven. She was a wonderful person with a huge personality, and had one of the most difficult lives of anyone I've ever known. She fought a good fight and finally went home. I love you Ash, and I miss you every day.

Now an overview of the year in photos and videos:

Thank goodness for Facebook! I need to blog more, but at least I have that to help me remember what happened last year. :) I'll update more tomorrow, got lots more to share!

Loves!

Some thoughts from September 11th.

“Now, we have inscribed a new memory alongside those others. It’s a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. But not only of loss and mourning. It’s also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend–even a friend whose name it never knew. “ - President George W. Bush

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the day we, as a nation, gained an intimate relationship with terrorism. For the first time in 50 years, an unprovoked attack was performed on US soil killing thousands. No one who was old enough to have this memory will ever forget where we were when we heard the news. We'll never forget hearing the terrified screams as the news cameras caught the second tower being struck live. Or watching the towers fall with thousands still inside. We pulled together as a nation in tears, prayers and national pride. Yes, we knew fear. We knew fear as we had never known it before. But our unfailing pride in our country prevailed. We watched proudly as our young men signed up to protect us and were shipped off to fight for what we stand for. Freedom. Freedom to live WITHOUT fear. But then we forgot what they were fighting for. We forgot about that unity and once again became divided. I am ashamed of those who went so far in protesting this war, the war that WE DID NOT START, that people forgot the troops. The men and women who were overseas fighting for us! How dare we lessen what they were sacrificing by saying it was a pointless battle? That what they were doing wasn't worthwhile? No matter how the war was viewed, the military should never have become a part of that battle.

Yesterday I was sick. It probably contributed to how emotional I became, I don't know. I was sitting in a chair, crying, while I watched the programs dedicated to 9/11/2001. Tori was home with me and she kept coming up, touching my face, asking me why I was crying. What could I tell her? I told her, between sobs, that before she was born there were some bad people who came over and killed a lot of people. She responded by saying they were "stupid people and I hate them". Hearing her say that made me sit back and think. Were these really bad people? Hear me out for a moment. Yes, they killed thousands of Americans, and that was a despicable act. But what had they surely been taught from infancy? They had been taught to hate. These men who may have had families and children gave up EVERYTHING for this hate. What if we had never been taught anything else but that the Iraqi nation was full of devils, weren't even human, and it was our obligation to cleanse the earth of their evil? Granted, I really don't know much about their religion or what they were actually taught, but I can't imagine that an extremist would be taught anything differently. What we need to wipe from this earth is NOT people. What we need to wipe from this world is HATE. That's where all of this started! If we didn't hate each other would we still want to kill each other? My response to Tori was that we shouldn't hate them. We should never hate anyone. We need to pray for them. Yes, I said it. Pray for those who want to kill us. Pray for the souls of people who would do something this horrendous because their souls are in eternal jeopardy. We can't judge them. We don't know what kind of lives they had and what their parents taught them. All this was going around and around in my head yesterday after this conversation I'd had with my impressionable young daughter.

Then something happened. We were continuing to watch this program and when it came back from commercial they did a quick recap of what happened that day. They showed the footage of the planes, the screaming, the horror. All I could do was clap a hand over my mouth while tears streamed down my face. Then an American flag was shown on screen and my sweet and beautiful daughter started saying the Pledge of Allegiance. "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under GOD, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." My heart swelled at that moment with pride, hope and love. That's what it's all about. I gave her a hug and we put our hands over our hearts and recited the pledge again. All of a sudden I had hope. If we can spread this love and pride in what our nation stands for, we WILL survive this. God bless America. God bless the victims of this tragedy. God bless us all.

Are we prepared?

I received some devastating news this morning. An amazing woman named Aryn Hendrickson-Godfrey died yesterday from a horrific car accident in Texas. It happened in a matter of seconds. One minute she was here, and the next minute an angel had carried her and her unborn child away from us. As I sit here, my eyes burning from the many tears shed today, I have to take a step back and realize that it could easily have been me. How many times have I sat waiting to either turn left or make a U-turn, taking for granted that cars coming up behind me will have enough sense to stop before rear ending me? How many times have I almost gotten in an accident and managed to avoid it? Too many to count. We need to be ready; we need to be prepared to die tonight so that if it really did happen, we wouldn't be leaving behind regrets. Things we left undone. So go home tonight and hold your family close. Tell them how much you love them. Call that friend you've been in a fight with and tell them it doesn't matter and you love them no matter what. Because tomorrow you might not have another chance. If God wants to call us home, we might not have an opportunity to prepare to be taken from this life into the next. I'm going home tonight and I'm going to hold my daughter close to my heart and thank God that I am able to do so.

RIP Aryn. I love you forever and we will miss you so much.

I love my religion AND gay people

I am truly saddened by all the hate and anger going on right now. Why is it that in upholding some people's rights others are oppressed? For example, in order to accommodate people who are atheists, why is it that God is being forced out of things that have been in place since the Declaration of Independence was signed? I am proud to say that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I fully support President Packer and what he said in his talk. But should I be blasted by hate for it as is being done to others? By saying that does it mean that I don't love people who just happen to be gay? I should hope not. I've had many good friends who are gay and I love them all. In fact I have found that gay people can be some of the most tolerant and nice people I have ever met. But that doesn't mean that my voice should be oppressed because my views may offend someone else. I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. But I also believe that we all have a choice in this life and we all should do what makes us happy. People have different views on what will make them happy in this life, and they should be left to choose their own way.

I will not say that I have never been judgmental or unfair in my lifetime. We all have, no matter what our situation is. But I have never gone and been intentionally cruel and angry toward someone because they express their views, and it makes me sad that others are doing that to us. One thing I've noticed, and I'm aware that there are exceptions. Most of the anger and intolerance are coming from those not of the LDS faith. I've been viewing much of the comments online and most of the comments from the LDS members are of supporting the leaders of our faith and stating our love for those we know who are gay. Much of the intolerance I've been seeing is coming from those who profess themselves to be open-minded. If that is the case, then why can't they be open-minded enough to let us be? We are not condemning anyone! Elder Packer stated the views of our religion, which have NEVER changed, and that was all. So where is all this hate coming from? I just hope people who profess to believe that everyone deserves to be happy will be able to recognize OUR rights to be happy as well and let us be.

Here is the link to the official statement made by the Church about the reaction and ridiculous accusations toward the church. I hope people will read it and realize that we are a church of love, not hate and condemnation.

http://beta-newsroom.lds.org/article/church-mormon-responds-to-human-rights-campaign-petition-same-sex-attraction

Sodom and Gomorrah?

I'm sitting on the couch, it's Saturday morning, and Tori wants to listen to the "dance song" she likes so much. The song is "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga. So I turn it on. While I'm listening to the lyrics I realize just how much that song describes the level society has sunk to. It's about a girl who drinks so much that she can't find her keys or her phone and she can't remember the name of the club she's at. But that's ok, just dance. It'll be ok, just keep dancing. That's how the world is today. It doesn't matter what you do, life is to have fun. Our society is all about self-indulgence. What makes ME happy is what I'm going to stick with, to hell with the consequences. Granted, before I offend anyone, I'm speaking of society in general, not individuals. And even those who may be offended by this have to admit that society is falling. Our children's role models these days are people who's lives revolve around sex, drugs and materialistic things. A.K.A. movie stars and singers. Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber...what is it about these people that makes them so amazing to the younger generation? I certainly can't think of anything. They're selfish creatures and they encompass everything that this world considers "great". When there are articles in magazines, is there ever anything about people who actually make a difference in a good way? Well, I suppose it depends on which magazine you read. But mostly, no. It's all about who she's sleeping with, who cheated on who, what she was seen buying in the store the other day, etc. "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous and in doing good to all men. Indeed we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul. We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and we hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything LOVELY, VIRTUOUS OR OF GOOD REPORT OR PRAISEWORTHY, WE SEEK AFTER THESE THINGS." I don't see many things these days that are lovely, virtuous, of good report or praiseworthy.

I am not saying that I'm infallible. In fact, just the opposite. I'm not standing on a millstone judging the world. Lol, have you seen my multiple purses? Have you seen my expensive makeup addiction? Still, it wasn't until I was listening to that song...letting my FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER listen to it, that I realized just how far I've fallen myself. Needless to say, I immediately turned off Lady Gaga and turned on High School Musical. This world is scary, and the last thing I need to do is bring more of it into my home to influence my daughter!

We are supposed to be different, stand out from the rest of the world and I must say, the gap between the people of God and those who simply claim to be is growing wider and wider. Notice I didn't say LDS people. There are LDS people who simply play the role and there are non-LDS people who live the gospel better sometimes than those who have it. My challenge is to not allow the world, that great and abominable church (because self-indulgence truly has become a religion for some) to overtake me. I must cling to that which I KNOW is of good report and praiseworthy, or I WILL fall. I hope you will join me.

The face of innocence

Antiques according to Tori

A conversation that took place last night between Tori and my dad about a chair that once belonged to my great-grandmother.

Dad: "Tori, be careful with that chair, it's an antique."

Tori: "What's an antique?"

Dad: "It's something really, really old."

After thinking about that for a second Tori replies,

"Nana's an antique."



My poor mother.

Lake Powell and homecoming!!

My family has been at Lake Powell for the past week. It's been absolutely wonderful having the house to myself and being able to take naps at night which I haven't been able to do in years! And, as other mothers can understand, the first few days I didn't miss her at all! I was too busy enjoying my freedom! But by the fourth day, I was a little lonely. Somewhere around the fifth or sixth day I actually went in her room and smelled her pillow because it smelled like her! Sad and pathetic. I talked to her twice on the phone. Well, that might be overstating it a little for the first time I TRIED. Mom called me and tried to get Tori to say hi, and all I heard when the phone was pressed her her ear was "No way" over and over. Lol, little brat. But the second time she talked to me and told me about water skiing (during which she stood up!!) and the fish she caught with papa. In her words, "it was humongous". I love hearing her little voice say that word! When she said it I suddenly realized that she used it last year at Powell too but then didn't use it much at home, and then picked it up again this year! We'll see if it sticks. So anyway, they got home last night and I raced to the door to get her out when they pulled up, and she gave me the best present ever. She had a huge smile on her face and said "Mommy!" Then she put her little arms around my neck and held on tight. My baby missed me! That made me so happy. She cuddled me for awhile, and then went up to her room to play. While she was going potty she looked at me, smiled and said, "I'm so happy to be home so I can listen to Cowboy Cas" LOL!! Her favorite song right now is Cowboy Casanova. She just makes me laugh. Then, that night when we were kneeling down for her prayer before bed, she wormed her way into my lap, hugged my arm and said "I'm glad to be home Mommy. I love you." Oh man, talk about a heart melter.

I LOVE MY DAUGHTER!!!!!

Daddy's visit and the beginning of school

Well, the visit went better than I ever could have hoped for! Friday, Saturday and Sunday Tori was all over having a Daddy and it showed in the way she constantly said Daddy whenever she was talking to him. It was so cute. Monday, however, she started shutting herself off emotionally. It was really sad to watch her "not care" so that it wouldn't hurt so badly when he left. I know it was just as hard, if not harder, for him to leave. But he'll be back and this is the beginning of a great relationship. I'm really excited for her to gain this and also to gain a relationship with a whole new extended family! She needs some of that black culture in her life! :-)

So now the visit is over and it's time to focus on the beginning of school! I can't believe my baby is starting Kindergarten! I'm going to be a crybaby on her first day of school, I just know it. So next month we're going to have to start shopping for school supplies and a new school outfit. Oh dear...I'm not ready for this!

Update!

So I know I promised an update the day I spoke with the psychologist, but things kept happening so I decided to wait until everything was figured out and I could say for certain what was going to happen! I spoke with Dr. Marsh on Thursday last week and I must say, I think it was worth the $130 (ouch). She brought up many things I hadn't thought about and also affirmed things that I'd already planned on doing. One thing she brought up was that Tori is starting kindergarten this year. I already knew this of course, but what I hadn't thought about was that that is a HUGE change in her life! She'll be going from an in-home preschool with only 7 other kids to a classroom with around 20 other kids in a school with hundreds of older kids! Joseph was planning on coming out in August but she said he should definitely come out earlier so that she can handle those two things separately. Otherwise she'd probably get really stressed out and that would come out in her behavior since she won't know any other way to express what she's feeling. So he is now coming out over the 4th of July weekend. He'll be here until that Monday afternoon. I feel this is a good thing. I'm telling her this weekend so that she has time to process and ask all her little questions before he comes out. It'll probably be a roller coaster I'm sure, but I think it'll be worth it in the long run.

Dr. Marsh also said that once I tell her there needs to be a lot of contact between her and Joseph. Phone calls, webcamming, letters, etc. She needs to have a connection before they meet in person. Fortunately I have pictures of the two of them as well as the three of us from when she was a tiny baby so I can use those to connect her to him and I'm planning on putting those pictures into a photo album for her. So wish me luck! I'll blog next week after it all goes down! Thank you to everyone for your support!!

The time has come...

...to tell Tori about her father. I'm a little nervous, but I know it's for the best. Especially because she thinks that MY dad is her dad. One because we call him dad and two, well, because she doesn't understand biology. Which is perfectly fine with me!! So tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a child psychologist Tori's pediatrician recommended so I can get her feedback on how this will affect her at this stage in her development and also what I can expect in the future. Tori's dad is planning on coming out and visiting in August which is the other factor in my deciding to tell her now. She should know who her father is when he comes out to visit. I've already kind of introduced her to him. He's called and they've spoken on the phone. She knows him as "Joseph, Mommy's friend". So we'll see how it goes. I was thinking maybe I should wait to tell her until it's closer to when he comes out, but (and this is something I'll discuss with the psychologist) I think it might be better if she has time to process everything. It'll be interesting to see how this progresses, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. Joseph and I have been communicating for awhile now, and I'm getting positive feelings about him becoming involved in her life. I'm not worried about him pushing for more custody or anything. He's told me that he wouldn't push me to let her go live with him for the while summer or anything, that he'd probably just want to take her on vacation with him for like 2 weeks or something. This would, of course, be a long way from now when she's older and knows him well. But anyway, I'll blog tomorrow afternoon or Friday and let ya'll know how it goes!!

In other news, here are a few pictures. Monday night my dad was so cute, he went into the living room and sat down and played Barbies with Tori for about 15 minutes. It was better than any FHE. She absolutely loved it!!

...and 6 months later!

Well, it sure has been awhile. Quite awhile. Too much of awhile! Although it really feels like there isn't much that's happened. I'm still not married, I'm still loving my job, and life is pretty good. However, I'm going to attempt to remember what's happened since I last blogged.

Tori has started preschool! I can't believe my baby is that old. It almost scares me that she's going to start her 13 years of school next month. What a world this is to grow up in. It pretty much terrifies me. All I want to do is wrap her in my arms and hide her from the harsh realities of the world. Keep her innocence intact as long as I possibly can. But, since I know that would be a detriment to her, I need to learn to let her go. Makes me want to cry sometimes, but what can you do. She's having fun in preschool though! She is learning her letters and how to wash her hands. ;-) She's such a big girl.

She is also finishing her ballet classes in two weeks. I don't think I'm going to sign her up for the next set. She just doesn't enjoy it enough. She never practices at home and she never seems excited about what she learned when I pick her up from class. So we'll see what happens and if she even asks why she's not going anymore. Next year after she turns 5 I'm going to sign her up for the beginning jazz/hip hop class. I think she'd have so much more fun in that class! She loves to dance and "shake her booty" to pop music. She's so adorable!

Her favorite music right now is actually soundtracks. For about a month, maybe a little longer, pretty much the only thing she would listen to was Prince of Egypt. She would listen to the song "Deliver Us" over and over again, and if you could open her bedroom door without her noticing you would see her standing by her little baby cradle, holding one of her baby dolls in her arms wrapped in a blanket, singing her heart out to the music. It's absolutely precious and I so wish she'd let us record it, but I know that would never happen. She's now at the age when she's getting embarrassed. Such a shame! She has now started listening also to Tarzan and Swan Princess. She loves to sing and, speaking of singing, for those who weren't there, let me tell you about the Primary Program. It was her first year doing it, and I was afraid she'd be petrified! I was afraid that she wouldn't do anything, wouldn't say her line and that I'd have to take her out or something. But she stayed completely calm, said her line (something about families. I can't remember exactly what) and sat back down. She sang every song and was doing beautifully. As a mother I couldn't have been more proud. Then they started singing the last song, and I started crying. And not with pride or sadness. They were TEARS OF LAUGHTER! The song began, and all you could hear was Tori! She obviously knew this song well and I'm guessing it was her favorite song from this year because she was belting it and pretty much drown out the entire primary!! The entire ward was laughing, my whole family had tears running down our cheeks, and she was mentioned later in both Sunday School and Priesthood. It was hilarious. And when it was over and she came down to find us, she acted almost annoyed that everyone kept telling her what a good job she did. Like "what? I did what everyone else did. Can we go now?" It was SO funny and I can't wait to see if the performance is repeated next year!!

Some funny stories of Tori:

~ One of her new favorite movies is Road to El Dorado, and apparently it's been affecting her language. Last Sunday my dad was putting a church movie in for her to watch and she was a little annoyed as she wanted to watch a different movie that we don't allow her to watch on Sundays, and all of a sudden she burst out with "Papa, you're such a little twit." My dad and I looked at her startled and asked her to say that again and she repeated, "Papa, you're such a little twit." It was SO funny!!! We both burst into laughter and ever since then, we always call my dad a twit.

~Tori is now officially a member of the family! Last month at some point she suddenly started quoting Ice Age. Her favorite line from that movie is "No thanks, I choose life" from Sid the sloth. Not only that, but she'll finish that conversation! Here's how it goes,

Tori: No thanks, I choose life
Me: Then I suggest you take the shortcut!
Tori: Are you threatening me? (with the waving finger and all)
Tori and I together: MOVE SLOTH!!!

It is so adorable and such a part of the Shapiro family's lives to quote movies! To see the four year old doing it is simply fantastic. And now she's starting to quote Road to El Dorado also. I'm so proud! 'Tear'

As for me, my life is pretty much unremarkable! I did finally break it off with Dave. It was a long, drawn out and occasionally painful process, but it made things better for both of us. I know I'm happier now and more at peace, and apparently he is too. He let me know that he's already met someone new, an 18-year old girl from Canada, and he's leaving to go see her in less than two weeks. I'm glad that he's happy and moved on, but still. He goes from begging me to let him come out and see me to being in love with another girl and going out for a month to see her and hoping to come back engaged? He sure bounces back quickly. Oh well, I wish him all the best in that respect!

Otherwise, I'm still at the same job, which I love, and I'm still living with my parents. Which I probably will be doing until I eventually get married. If I ever do. Ugh, shoot me now...not that I don't love my family. But still, living with your parents at 24 can be a little trying at times. But it's best for Tori (and I don't really have enough money for rent and groceries) so I endure. Oh! I did make a new friend. Her name is Margo and she's fantastic. She's a great influence...she's challenged both of us to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the month. WHAAAT? Yeah, I know. But I've actually been keeping up and I'm already almost to the end of 2nd Nephi and it's been like 5 days. Crazy. So I'll try and keep that attempt updated.

Love you all, sorry I'm so bad about writing about our lives. This will be one of my new year's resolutions! =)

Merry Christmas to all!

Why can't we all just get along?!?

So I was watching the news this morning and the story came on about Miss California in the Miss USA pageant. Apparently, her answer to a question was most likely the reason she lost the crown. Now normally, that might be understandable. EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE!!! The question, and I can't remember the exact wording, but it was about how one of the states just made gay marriage legal and do you think the rest of the country should follow suit. First of all, why the crap would you ask them such a freaking controversial question? Obviously unless you answer YES you're going to get in trouble. Well, this girl answered that she believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman, and she wasn't trying to offend anyone, but that was her belief. And because of that gently stated opinion one of the judges publicly verbally abused her! He told her she was wrong and I believe he called her a bitch too.

You know, by giving gays, atheists and the like more rights, they're taking rights away from the rest of us! We can't believe that marriage is sanctified by God and is meant to be only between a man and woman unless we want to be aggressively harassed, we can't really be public about our religion anymore unless we want to be accused of pushing our religion on others. A teacher would be disciplined for having a Bible in plain sight. But do you think they'd be in trouble for having the Koran out? NO!!! This just pisses me off. Sometimes I just hate our world.

But you know what? I'm going to proclaim my beliefs right here right now and you can just cry about it if any of it offends you because I just don't care!! I believe in God the Father and Jesus Christ, and I believe he bled and died for us, even the ones who persecute Him and His followers! I believe that marriage and sex is sacred and is meant to be shared ONLY between a man and a woman! I believe in the right for me to read my Bible or Book of Mormon wherever I want whenever I want, and the right to share my beliefs with others! If they choose not to listen that's fine, just walk away or ask me to stop but I still have freedom of speech! I believe that whether you're black, white, red, yellow, green, male or female, we are all the same and we deserve the same rights and the racism HAS TO STOP!!! We are all children of God and we are all loved equally. So everyone just get over your prejudices and let go of the hate. Hating takes up too much energy and it only hurts the hater.

And that is my rant of the day. Just had to vent and get out all my frustration. Thank you for listening!

MTC and thoughts about growing older

Well, I have a lot more to catch everyone up on!!! I'll start with dropping Adam off at the MTC. We took Dad's truck out because we had so much stuff and his cab isn't the extended version so the ride out was HORRIBLE!!! Imagine, we had 2 adults (neither one of us is tiny) and a car seat crammed into the back of a truck. And my father is a man and therefore wasn't too concerned with comfort when he bought his truck. So needless to say, the trip out was interesting. But we got there, and once we were there we had a really great time.

The night before Adam was to report to the MTC we had a family meeting which I recommend to any family who has a child about to leave for a mission. It gets the tears out in the privacy of your own home so you're not wailing and heaving for breath in front of a thousand other mothers and sisters. We all sat in my cousin Tara's front room and we each told Adam our favorite memories of him and bore him our testimony. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had with my family. And it got even better. Dad gave Adam his last father's blessing, and when it was over I told Adam that he should give his mother a blessing. What followed was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had! My brother definitely has the gift of a closeness with the Spirit. He gave Mom an incredible blessing and after he gave the rest of us blessings. It was so amazing. The Spirit was so strong in that room and I never wanted it to end.

The next day we went to drop him off. Haley couldn't be there because of her classes (silly senior trying to graduate) and Tara was sweet enough to watch Tori for us, so it was just the parents, the missionary and Taylor and I. Since we'd gotten all the emotion out of the way the night before, it was only fun while we were there. Taking pictures and watching Mom put his name tag on...it was great. There were a few tears shed when he was hugging us good bye, but the prevaling feeling for all of us was mostly a peaceful pride. He's giving his life to the Lord and we couldn't be more proud. He is now in Georgia and doing great! He's having the time of his life and I can't wait to finally get pictures from him! A few pictures follow...

As I embark on my 25th year of life I have been doing a lot of contemplation. Where am I going with my life and how can I improve it, how can I become a better mother, etc. By starting my new job, I am severely cutting down my time with Tori and I need to have some serious time management when I am home. Fortunately, summer is coming and during the summer Tori won't be going to bed until 8 or 8:30, so I can take her to the park when it's nice because it'll still be light. We will also, of course, have Saturdays when I can take her to the zoo or something fun.

Beginning my medical assisting job is, I believe, a way of improving my life because I am finally going to be putting into practice an education I spent a great deal of money on. I still want to go to school to become a social worker (my dream is to work with pregnant teens at LDS Social Services, surprise surprise) but in the meantime I will be earning enough to hopefully pay off my credit card debts in 6 months or less, after which I can either start packing that money away in savings or go full steam into paying off my student loans. I haven't decided which yet. But I am getting very excited about the path my life is taking.

I have also decided to begin daily scripture study in an effort to get closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior. I have been slacking hard core on it for the past...well, year, and it's time to get off my butt and start being serious about this. I have been lazy about my involvement in the church, and not going to my ward hasn't helped at all. But I have started going to the ward where my records are, the Crowfoot singles ward, and before too long I will hopefully get a calling and start becoming much more involved. I'm glad that I'm finally growing up, even though it's taken me 25 years to get there!

Love you all, more later!

Finally...an update!!

Wow, I can't believe it's seriously been 4 months since I've posted last!! To catch you all up, I obviously didn't end up completing the cleanse. I'm just not strong enough I guess...or I just like eating too much. Either way, it just didn't happen. Oh well, maybe next time! In December a friend from England came out to visit who wanted to marry me. We had a really good time while he was out here, but I came to the conclusion that it just isn't meant to be and we broke it off...well, today. I feel really bad for him because I've been there, but I'm also glad it's over. A lot of stress will be alleviated for letting it go. So anyway, because he was coming out I ended up taking the entire month of December off from work and spent it in Utah, coming home for Christmas. During that time, Quiznos became Otto's Deli, and the owner decided to keep me on as an employee. I started working there again in January, and really didn't enjoy it too much. I wasn't really actively looking for a job, but I was waiting for a good opportunity. 

Well, early last month an email was sent out through HRBB (a yahoo email group I'm a part of) from a woman who was looking for a full-time receptionist for her husband who is a podiatrist. She wrote that if we knew of anyone who was looking to have them email her their resume. Well, I jumped at the chance! I didn't have much experience with...how would you say that? Receiving? Anyway, my only real experience was my Saturday job with Classy Closets and even though I did that for about 2 years it still wasn't much because it was so slow there on Saturdays. But I sent her my resume anyway, hoping that my medical background would count for something! 3 weeks went by and I heard nothing, so I emailed her and asked if there were any updates. Another week went by and I had still heard nothing so I figured the position had been filled and was a little put out that she hadn't at least let me know. But Monday, she called me! She said that they were very interested in interviewing me because he was not only looking for a receptionist but also a medical assistant, and how providential that I have a background in both! So I went to the interview on Tuesday and was offered the job on Wednesday!!! I am very happy to say that I am now in my last two weeks at Otto's Deli and will soon be starting my new job as a receptionist/medical assistant for Dr. Field at the Renewal Medical Center!! I'm so thrilled; the last doctor I worked for, well, we all hated his wife. She would come in and move things she had no business moving, organizing without any idea of how to do it, and throw away food without asking who's it was or when they had brought it in. She tossed my can of Diet Coke that I had opened 30 minutes before! But Dr. Field's wife, Angie, is AWESOME!! I can tell that I am going to get along so well in there and I'm very excited to work with LDS people again! That's right, the doctor and his wife are in the Highlands Ranch stake! It's going to be such a wonderful experience and I feel so incredibly blessed for this opportunity. I don't deserve it but I'm going to try and live up to it the best that I can! 

Other than that, not much else is new. I'm not going to school right now because this economy is kind of freaking me out and I really want to get out of credit card debt before I do anything else. So this full-time job is a blessing times 2 because it'll help me get out of debt so much faster!!!

Tori is still growing like a bean pole...her legs are getting so long! She's having a hard time with her temper right now. Whenever she gets angry or frustrated she doesn't stop to thing, just lashes out by either hitting or throwing things and it's driving me nuts. If anyone has any advice for that PLEASE let me know!!!

I promise I will start doing better about blogging...tomorrow I'm hoping to be able to blog about dropping Adam off at the MTC!

Hugs!

Baby, IT'S ON!!!!

Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm finally over the illness that has plagued me for the last week. And you know what that means...not only am I able to clean the house for Mom's return (yayyyyy...) but I've, once again, started THE CLEANSE!!!!! I have my HoodiThin, my lemonade and because of my beautiful friend Naomi (love you girl!) I DON'T HAVE TO PUT THE CAYENNE PEPPER IN MY LEMONADE!!! She got the brilliant idea to buy gelatin capsules and put the cayenne pepper in there! It's brilliant because having to drink the pepper? HELL ON EARTH! So I'm all set to go and I'm way excited about it and the best thing? My 10th day is going to be next week on Thursday! Which means that if I feel like having a steamer from Starbucks while waiting in line for the midnight showing of TWILIGHT(!!!!) I can! I'm not sure that I will as this cleanse is supposed to take away all cravings for sugar and junk food (I cannot say enough how excited I am about that) but we'll see. Wish me luck and this time I really will keep you informed!!! :-D

I can tell you this, this morning while juicing my lemons I was SOOO hungry. You know that feeling when you're stomach is so empty that it feels like it's eating itself? It's wonderful right? Well only 10 minutes after drinking the HoodiThin and my first glass of lemonade of the day it was gone!! I'm not feeling overwhelmingly hungry anymore! It's WONDERFUL!!!

The remnents of my lemons for my day's supply of lemonade! :-)



This is ALL that's going in my stomach for the next 10 days!