coco's thoughts

Some thoughts from September 11th.

2011-09-12T09:35:00.000-06:00

“Now, we have inscribed a new memory alongside those others. It’s a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. But not only of loss and mourning. It’s also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend–even a friend whose name it never knew. “ - President George W. Bush

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the day we, as a nation, gained an intimate relationship with terrorism. For the first time in 50 years, an unprovoked attack was performed on US soil killing thousands. No one who was old enough to have this memory will ever forget where we were when we heard the news. We'll never forget hearing the terrified screams as the news cameras caught the second tower being struck live. Or watching the towers fall with thousands still inside. We pulled together as a nation in tears, prayers and national pride. Yes, we knew fear. We knew fear as we had never known it before. But our unfailing pride in our country prevailed. We watched proudly as our young men signed up to protect us and were shipped off to fight for what we stand for. Freedom. Freedom to live WITHOUT fear. But then we forgot what they were fighting for. We forgot about that unity and once again became divided. I am ashamed of those who went so far in protesting this war, the war that WE DID NOT START, that people forgot the troops. The men and women who were overseas fighting for us! How dare we lessen what they were sacrificing by saying it was a pointless battle? That what they were doing wasn't worthwhile? No matter how the war was viewed, the military should never have become a part of that battle.

Yesterday I was sick. It probably contributed to how emotional I became, I don't know. I was sitting in a chair, crying, while I watched the programs dedicated to 9/11/2001. Tori was home with me and she kept coming up, touching my face, asking me why I was crying. What could I tell her? I told her, between sobs, that before she was born there were some bad people who came over and killed a lot of people. She responded by saying they were "stupid people and I hate them". Hearing her say that made me sit back and think. Were these really bad people? Hear me out for a moment. Yes, they killed thousands of Americans, and that was a despicable act. But what had they surely been taught from infancy? They had been taught to hate. These men who may have had families and children gave up EVERYTHING for this hate. What if we had never been taught anything else but that the Iraqi nation was full of devils, weren't even human, and it was our obligation to cleanse the earth of their evil? Granted, I really don't know much about their religion or what they were actually taught, but I can't imagine that an extremist would be taught anything differently. What we need to wipe from this earth is NOT people. What we need to wipe from this world is HATE. That's where all of this started! If we didn't hate each other would we still want to kill each other? My response to Tori was that we shouldn't hate them. We should never hate anyone. We need to pray for them. Yes, I said it. Pray for those who want to kill us. Pray for the souls of people who would do something this horrendous because their souls are in eternal jeopardy. We can't judge them. We don't know what kind of lives they had and what their parents taught them. All this was going around and around in my head yesterday after this conversation I'd had with my impressionable young daughter.

Then something happened. We were continuing to watch this program and when it came back from commercial they did a quick recap of what happened that day. They showed the footage of the planes, the screaming, the horror. All I could do was clap a hand over my mouth while tears streamed down my face. Then an American flag was shown on screen and my sweet and beautiful daughter started saying the Pledge of Allegiance. "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under GOD, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." My heart swelled at that moment with pride, hope and love. That's what it's all about. I gave her a hug and we put our hands over our hearts and recited the pledge again. All of a sudden I had hope. If we can spread this love and pride in what our nation stands for, we WILL survive this. God bless America. God bless the victims of this tragedy. God bless us all.

Are we prepared?

2011-01-06T14:29:00.001-07:00

I received some devastating news this morning. An amazing woman named Aryn Hendrickson-Godfrey died yesterday from a horrific car accident in Texas. It happened in a matter of seconds. One minute she was here, and the next minute an angel had carried her and her unborn child away from us. As I sit here, my eyes burning from the many tears shed today, I have to take a step back and realize that it could easily have been me. How many times have I sat waiting to either turn left or make a U-turn, taking for granted that cars coming up behind me will have enough sense to stop before rear ending me? How many times have I almost gotten in an accident and managed to avoid it? Too many to count. We need to be ready; we need to be prepared to die tonight so that if it really did happen, we wouldn't be leaving behind regrets. Things we left undone. So go home tonight and hold your family close. Tell them how much you love them. Call that friend you've been in a fight with and tell them it doesn't matter and you love them no matter what. Because tomorrow you might not have another chance. If God wants to call us home, we might not have an opportunity to prepare to be taken from this life into the next. I'm going home tonight and I'm going to hold my daughter close to my heart and thank God that I am able to do so.

RIP Aryn. I love you forever and we will miss you so much.

I love my religion AND gay people

2010-10-12T16:02:00.000-06:00

I am truly saddened by all the hate and anger going on right now. Why is it that in upholding some people's rights others are oppressed? For example, in order to accommodate people who are atheists, why is it that God is being forced out of things that have been in place since the Declaration of Independence was signed? I am proud to say that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I fully support President Packer and what he said in his talk. But should I be blasted by hate for it as is being done to others? By saying that does it mean that I don't love people who just happen to be gay? I should hope not. I've had many good friends who are gay and I love them all. In fact I have found that gay people can be some of the most tolerant and nice people I have ever met. But that doesn't mean that my voice should be oppressed because my views may offend someone else. I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. But I also believe that we all have a choice in this life and we all should do what makes us happy. People have different views on what will make them happy in this life, and they should be left to choose their own way.

I will not say that I have never been judgmental or unfair in my lifetime. We all have, no matter what our situation is. But I have never gone and been intentionally cruel and angry toward someone because they express their views, and it makes me sad that others are doing that to us. One thing I've noticed, and I'm aware that there are exceptions. Most of the anger and intolerance are coming from those not of the LDS faith. I've been viewing much of the comments online and most of the comments from the LDS members are of supporting the leaders of our faith and stating our love for those we know who are gay. Much of the intolerance I've been seeing is coming from those who profess themselves to be open-minded. If that is the case, then why can't they be open-minded enough to let us be? We are not condemning anyone! Elder Packer stated the views of our religion, which have NEVER changed, and that was all. So where is all this hate coming from? I just hope people who profess to believe that everyone deserves to be happy will be able to recognize OUR rights to be happy as well and let us be.

Here is the link to the official statement made by the Church about the reaction and ridiculous accusations toward the church. I hope people will read it and realize that we are a church of love, not hate and condemnation.

http://beta-newsroom.lds.org/article/church-mormon-responds-to-human-rights-campaign-petition-same-sex-attraction

Sodom and Gomorrah?

2010-09-11T09:37:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting on the couch, it's Saturday morning, and Tori wants to listen to the "dance song" she likes so much. The song is "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga. So I turn it on. While I'm listening to the lyrics I realize just how much that song describes the level society has sunk to. It's about a girl who drinks so much that she can't find her keys or her phone and she can't remember the name of the club she's at. But that's ok, just dance. It'll be ok, just keep dancing. That's how the world is today. It doesn't matter what you do, life is to have fun. Our society is all about self-indulgence. What makes ME happy is what I'm going to stick with, to hell with the consequences. Granted, before I offend anyone, I'm speaking of society in general, not individuals. And even those who may be offended by this have to admit that society is falling. Our children's role models these days are people who's lives revolve around sex, drugs and materialistic things. A.K.A. movie stars and singers. Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber...what is it about these people that makes them so amazing to the younger generation? I certainly can't think of anything. They're selfish creatures and they encompass everything that this world considers "great". When there are articles in magazines, is there ever anything about people who actually make a difference in a good way? Well, I suppose it depends on which magazine you read. But mostly, no. It's all about who she's sleeping with, who cheated on who, what she was seen buying in the store the other day, etc. "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous and in doing good to all men. Indeed we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul. We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and we hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything LOVELY, VIRTUOUS OR OF GOOD REPORT OR PRAISEWORTHY, WE SEEK AFTER THESE THINGS." I don't see many things these days that are lovely, virtuous, of good report or praiseworthy.

I am not saying that I'm infallible. In fact, just the opposite. I'm not standing on a millstone judging the world. Lol, have you seen my multiple purses? Have you seen my expensive makeup addiction? Still, it wasn't until I was listening to that song...letting my FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER listen to it, that I realized just how far I've fallen myself. Needless to say, I immediately turned off Lady Gaga and turned on High School Musical. This world is scary, and the last thing I need to do is bring more of it into my home to influence my daughter!

We are supposed to be different, stand out from the rest of the world and I must say, the gap between the people of God and those who simply claim to be is growing wider and wider. Notice I didn't say LDS people. There are LDS people who simply play the role and there are non-LDS people who live the gospel better sometimes than those who have it. My challenge is to not allow the world, that great and abominable church (because self-indulgence truly has become a religion for some) to overtake me. I must cling to that which I KNOW is of good report and praiseworthy, or I WILL fall. I hope you will join me.

The face of innocence

Antiques according to Tori

2010-07-26T09:58:00.002-06:00

A conversation that took place last night between Tori and my dad about a chair that once belonged to my great-grandmother.

Dad: "Tori, be careful with that chair, it's an antique."

Tori: "What's an antique?"

Dad: "It's something really, really old."

After thinking about that for a second Tori replies,

"Nana's an antique."

My poor mother.

Lake Powell and homecoming!!

2010-06-29T08:59:00.003-06:00

My family has been at Lake Powell for the past week. It's been absolutely wonderful having the house to myself and being able to take naps at night which I haven't been able to do in years! And, as other mothers can understand, the first few days I didn't miss her at all! I was too busy enjoying my freedom! But by the fourth day, I was a little lonely. Somewhere around the fifth or sixth day I actually went in her room and smelled her pillow because it smelled like her! Sad and pathetic. I talked to her twice on the phone. Well, that might be overstating it a little for the first time I TRIED. Mom called me and tried to get Tori to say hi, and all I heard when the phone was pressed her her ear was "No way" over and over. Lol, little brat. But the second time she talked to me and told me about water skiing (during which she stood up!!) and the fish she caught with papa. In her words, "it was humongous". I love hearing her little voice say that word! When she said it I suddenly realized that she used it last year at Powell too but then didn't use it much at home, and then picked it up again this year! We'll see if it sticks. So anyway, they got home last night and I raced to the door to get her out when they pulled up, and she gave me the best present ever. She had a huge smile on her face and said "Mommy!" Then she put her little arms around my neck and held on tight. My baby missed me! That made me so happy. She cuddled me for awhile, and then went up to her room to play. While she was going potty she looked at me, smiled and said, "I'm so happy to be home so I can listen to Cowboy Cas" LOL!! Her favorite song right now is Cowboy Casanova. She just makes me laugh. Then, that night when we were kneeling down for her prayer before bed, she wormed her way into my lap, hugged my arm and said "I'm glad to be home Mommy. I love you." Oh man, talk about a heart melter.

I LOVE MY DAUGHTER!!!!!

Daddy's visit and the beginning of school

2010-06-15T14:36:00.003-06:00

Well, the visit went better than I ever could have hoped for! Friday, Saturday and Sunday Tori was all over having a Daddy and it showed in the way she constantly said Daddy whenever she was talking to him. It was so cute. Monday, however, she started shutting herself off emotionally. It was really sad to watch her "not care" so that it wouldn't hurt so badly when he left. I know it was just as hard, if not harder, for him to leave. But he'll be back and this is the beginning of a great relationship. I'm really excited for her to gain this and also to gain a relationship with a whole new extended family! She needs some of that black culture in her life! :-)

So now the visit is over and it's time to focus on the beginning of school! I can't believe my baby is starting Kindergarten! I'm going to be a crybaby on her first day of school, I just know it. So next month we're going to have to start shopping for school supplies and a new school outfit. Oh dear...I'm not ready for this!

Update!

2010-03-10T09:50:00.002-07:00

So I know I promised an update the day I spoke with the psychologist, but things kept happening so I decided to wait until everything was figured out and I could say for certain what was going to happen! I spoke with Dr. Marsh on Thursday last week and I must say, I think it was worth the $130 (ouch). She brought up many things I hadn't thought about and also affirmed things that I'd already planned on doing. One thing she brought up was that Tori is starting kindergarten this year. I already knew this of course, but what I hadn't thought about was that that is a HUGE change in her life! She'll be going from an in-home preschool with only 7 other kids to a classroom with around 20 other kids in a school with hundreds of older kids! Joseph was planning on coming out in August but she said he should definitely come out earlier so that she can handle those two things separately. Otherwise she'd probably get really stressed out and that would come out in her behavior since she won't know any other way to express what she's feeling. So he is now coming out over the 4th of July weekend. He'll be here until that Monday afternoon. I feel this is a good thing. I'm telling her this weekend so that she has time to process and ask all her little questions before he comes out. It'll probably be a roller coaster I'm sure, but I think it'll be worth it in the long run.

Dr. Marsh also said that once I tell her there needs to be a lot of contact between her and Joseph. Phone calls, webcamming, letters, etc. She needs to have a connection before they meet in person. Fortunately I have pictures of the two of them as well as the three of us from when she was a tiny baby so I can use those to connect her to him and I'm planning on putting those pictures into a photo album for her. So wish me luck! I'll blog next week after it all goes down! Thank you to everyone for your support!!

The time has come...

2010-03-03T12:54:00.002-07:00

...to tell Tori about her father. I'm a little nervous, but I know it's for the best. Especially because she thinks that MY dad is her dad. One because we call him dad and two, well, because she doesn't understand biology. Which is perfectly fine with me!! So tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a child psychologist Tori's pediatrician recommended so I can get her feedback on how this will affect her at this stage in her development and also what I can expect in the future. Tori's dad is planning on coming out and visiting in August which is the other factor in my deciding to tell her now. She should know who her father is when he comes out to visit. I've already kind of introduced her to him. He's called and they've spoken on the phone. She knows him as "Joseph, Mommy's friend". So we'll see how it goes. I was thinking maybe I should wait to tell her until it's closer to when he comes out, but (and this is something I'll discuss with the psychologist) I think it might be better if she has time to process everything. It'll be interesting to see how this progresses, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. Joseph and I have been communicating for awhile now, and I'm getting positive feelings about him becoming involved in her life. I'm not worried about him pushing for more custody or anything. He's told me that he wouldn't push me to let her go live with him for the while summer or anything, that he'd probably just want to take her on vacation with him for like 2 weeks or something. This would, of course, be a long way from now when she's older and knows him well. But anyway, I'll blog tomorrow afternoon or Friday and let ya'll know how it goes!!

In other news, here are a few pictures. Monday night my dad was so cute, he went into the living room and sat down and played Barbies with Tori for about 15 minutes. It was better than any FHE. She absolutely loved it!!

...and 6 months later!

2009-12-04T09:10:00.002-07:00

Well, it sure has been awhile. Quite awhile. Too much of awhile! Although it really feels like there isn't much that's happened. I'm still not married, I'm still loving my job, and life is pretty good. However, I'm going to attempt to remember what's happened since I last blogged.

Tori has started preschool! I can't believe my baby is that old. It almost scares me that she's going to start her 13 years of school next month. What a world this is to grow up in. It pretty much terrifies me. All I want to do is wrap her in my arms and hide her from the harsh realities of the world. Keep her innocence intact as long as I possibly can. But, since I know that would be a detriment to her, I need to learn to let her go. Makes me want to cry sometimes, but what can you do. She's having fun in preschool though! She is learning her letters and how to wash her hands. ;-) She's such a big girl.

She is also finishing her ballet classes in two weeks. I don't think I'm going to sign her up for the next set. She just doesn't enjoy it enough. She never practices at home and she never seems excited about what she learned when I pick her up from class. So we'll see what happens and if she even asks why she's not going anymore. Next year after she turns 5 I'm going to sign her up for the beginning jazz/hip hop class. I think she'd have so much more fun in that class! She loves to dance and "shake her booty" to pop music. She's so adorable!

Her favorite music right now is actually soundtracks. For about a month, maybe a little longer, pretty much the only thing she would listen to was Prince of Egypt. She would listen to the song "Deliver Us" over and over again, and if you could open her bedroom door without her noticing you would see her standing by her little baby cradle, holding one of her baby dolls in her arms wrapped in a blanket, singing her heart out to the music. It's absolutely precious and I so wish she'd let us record it, but I know that would never happen. She's now at the age when she's getting embarrassed. Such a shame! She has now started listening also to Tarzan and Swan Princess. She loves to sing and, speaking of singing, for those who weren't there, let me tell you about the Primary Program. It was her first year doing it, and I was afraid she'd be petrified! I was afraid that she wouldn't do anything, wouldn't say her line and that I'd have to take her out or something. But she stayed completely calm, said her line (something about families. I can't remember exactly what) and sat back down. She sang every song and was doing beautifully. As a mother I couldn't have been more proud. Then they started singing the last song, and I started crying. And not with pride or sadness. They were TEARS OF LAUGHTER! The song began, and all you could hear was Tori! She obviously knew this song well and I'm guessing it was her favorite song from this year because she was belting it and pretty much drown out the entire primary!! The entire ward was laughing, my whole family had tears running down our cheeks, and she was mentioned later in both Sunday School and Priesthood. It was hilarious. And when it was over and she came down to find us, she acted almost annoyed that everyone kept telling her what a good job she did. Like "what? I did what everyone else did. Can we go now?" It was SO funny and I can't wait to see if the performance is repeated next year!!

Some funny stories of Tori:

~ One of her new favorite movies is Road to El Dorado, and apparently it's been affecting her language. Last Sunday my dad was putting a church movie in for her to watch and she was a little annoyed as she wanted to watch a different movie that we don't allow her to watch on Sundays, and all of a sudden she burst out with "Papa, you're such a little twit." My dad and I looked at her startled and asked her to say that again and she repeated, "Papa, you're such a little twit." It was SO funny!!! We both burst into laughter and ever since then, we always call my dad a twit.

~Tori is now officially a member of the family! Last month at some point she suddenly started quoting Ice Age. Her favorite line from that movie is "No thanks, I choose life" from Sid the sloth. Not only that, but she'll finish that conversation! Here's how it goes,

Tori: No thanks, I choose life
Me: Then I suggest you take the shortcut!
Tori: Are you threatening me? (with the waving finger and all)
Tori and I together: MOVE SLOTH!!!

It is so adorable and such a part of the Shapiro family's lives to quote movies! To see the four year old doing it is simply fantastic. And now she's starting to quote Road to El Dorado also. I'm so proud! 'Tear'

As for me, my life is pretty much unremarkable! I did finally break it off with Dave. It was a long, drawn out and occasionally painful process, but it made things better for both of us. I know I'm happier now and more at peace, and apparently he is too. He let me know that he's already met someone new, an 18-year old girl from Canada, and he's leaving to go see her in less than two weeks. I'm glad that he's happy and moved on, but still. He goes from begging me to let him come out and see me to being in love with another girl and going out for a month to see her and hoping to come back engaged? He sure bounces back quickly. Oh well, I wish him all the best in that respect!

Otherwise, I'm still at the same job, which I love, and I'm still living with my parents. Which I probably will be doing until I eventually get married. If I ever do. Ugh, shoot me now...not that I don't love my family. But still, living with your parents at 24 can be a little trying at times. But it's best for Tori (and I don't really have enough money for rent and groceries) so I endure. Oh! I did make a new friend. Her name is Margo and she's fantastic. She's a great influence...she's challenged both of us to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the month. WHAAAT? Yeah, I know. But I've actually been keeping up and I'm already almost to the end of 2nd Nephi and it's been like 5 days. Crazy. So I'll try and keep that attempt updated.

Love you all, sorry I'm so bad about writing about our lives. This will be one of my new year's resolutions! =)

Merry Christmas to all!

Why can't we all just get along?!?

2009-04-21T13:20:00.004-06:00

So I was watching the news this morning and the story came on about Miss California in the Miss USA pageant. Apparently, her answer to a question was most likely the reason she lost the crown. Now normally, that might be understandable. EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE!!! The question, and I can't remember the exact wording, but it was about how one of the states just made gay marriage legal and do you think the rest of the country should follow suit. First of all, why the crap would you ask them such a freaking controversial question? Obviously unless you answer YES you're going to get in trouble. Well, this girl answered that she believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman, and she wasn't trying to offend anyone, but that was her belief. And because of that gently stated opinion one of the judges publicly verbally abused her! He told her she was wrong and I believe he called her a bitch too.

You know, by giving gays, atheists and the like more rights, they're taking rights away from the rest of us! We can't believe that marriage is sanctified by God and is meant to be only between a man and woman unless we want to be aggressively harassed, we can't really be public about our religion anymore unless we want to be accused of pushing our religion on others. A teacher would be disciplined for having a Bible in plain sight. But do you think they'd be in trouble for having the Koran out? NO!!! This just pisses me off. Sometimes I just hate our world.

But you know what? I'm going to proclaim my beliefs right here right now and you can just cry about it if any of it offends you because I just don't care!! I believe in God the Father and Jesus Christ, and I believe he bled and died for us, even the ones who persecute Him and His followers! I believe that marriage and sex is sacred and is meant to be shared ONLY between a man and a woman! I believe in the right for me to read my Bible or Book of Mormon wherever I want whenever I want, and the right to share my beliefs with others! If they choose not to listen that's fine, just walk away or ask me to stop but I still have freedom of speech! I believe that whether you're black, white, red, yellow, green, male or female, we are all the same and we deserve the same rights and the racism HAS TO STOP!!! We are all children of God and we are all loved equally. So everyone just get over your prejudices and let go of the hate. Hating takes up too much energy and it only hurts the hater.

And that is my rant of the day. Just had to vent and get out all my frustration. Thank you for listening!

MTC and thoughts about growing older

2009-03-29T19:23:00.005-06:00

Well, I have a lot more to catch everyone up on!!! I'll start with dropping Adam off at the MTC. We took Dad's truck out because we had so much stuff and his cab isn't the extended version so the ride out was HORRIBLE!!! Imagine, we had 2 adults (neither one of us is tiny) and a car seat crammed into the back of a truck. And my father is a man and therefore wasn't too concerned with comfort when he bought his truck. So needless to say, the trip out was interesting. But we got there, and once we were there we had a really great time.

The night before Adam was to report to the MTC we had a family meeting which I recommend to any family who has a child about to leave for a mission. It gets the tears out in the privacy of your own home so you're not wailing and heaving for breath in front of a thousand other mothers and sisters. We all sat in my cousin Tara's front room and we each told Adam our favorite memories of him and bore him our testimony. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had with my family. And it got even better. Dad gave Adam his last father's blessing, and when it was over I told Adam that he should give his mother a blessing. What followed was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had! My brother definitely has the gift of a closeness with the Spirit. He gave Mom an incredible blessing and after he gave the rest of us blessings. It was so amazing. The Spirit was so strong in that room and I never wanted it to end.

The next day we went to drop him off. Haley couldn't be there because of her classes (silly senior trying to graduate) and Tara was sweet enough to watch Tori for us, so it was just the parents, the missionary and Taylor and I. Since we'd gotten all the emotion out of the way the night before, it was only fun while we were there. Taking pictures and watching Mom put his name tag on...it was great. There were a few tears shed when he was hugging us good bye, but the prevaling feeling for all of us was mostly a peaceful pride. He's giving his life to the Lord and we couldn't be more proud. He is now in Georgia and doing great! He's having the time of his life and I can't wait to finally get pictures from him! A few pictures follow...

As I embark on my 25th year of life I have been doing a lot of contemplation. Where am I going with my life and how can I improve it, how can I become a better mother, etc. By starting my new job, I am severely cutting down my time with Tori and I need to have some serious time management when I am home. Fortunately, summer is coming and during the summer Tori won't be going to bed until 8 or 8:30, so I can take her to the park when it's nice because it'll still be light. We will also, of course, have Saturdays when I can take her to the zoo or something fun.

Beginning my medical assisting job is, I believe, a way of improving my life because I am finally going to be putting into practice an education I spent a great deal of money on. I still want to go to school to become a social worker (my dream is to work with pregnant teens at LDS Social Services, surprise surprise) but in the meantime I will be earning enough to hopefully pay off my credit card debts in 6 months or less, after which I can either start packing that money away in savings or go full steam into paying off my student loans. I haven't decided which yet. But I am getting very excited about the path my life is taking.

I have also decided to begin daily scripture study in an effort to get closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior. I have been slacking hard core on it for the past...well, year, and it's time to get off my butt and start being serious about this. I have been lazy about my involvement in the church, and not going to my ward hasn't helped at all. But I have started going to the ward where my records are, the Crowfoot singles ward, and before too long I will hopefully get a calling and start becoming much more involved. I'm glad that I'm finally growing up, even though it's taken me 25 years to get there!

Love you all, more later!

Finally...an update!!

2009-03-13T20:07:00.003-06:00

Wow, I can't believe it's seriously been 4 months since I've posted last!! To catch you all up, I obviously didn't end up completing the cleanse. I'm just not strong enough I guess...or I just like eating too much. Either way, it just didn't happen. Oh well, maybe next time! In December a friend from England came out to visit who wanted to marry me. We had a really good time while he was out here, but I came to the conclusion that it just isn't meant to be and we broke it off...well, today. I feel really bad for him because I've been there, but I'm also glad it's over. A lot of stress will be alleviated for letting it go. So anyway, because he was coming out I ended up taking the entire month of December off from work and spent it in Utah, coming home for Christmas. During that time, Quiznos became Otto's Deli, and the owner decided to keep me on as an employee. I started working there again in January, and really didn't enjoy it too much. I wasn't really actively looking for a job, but I was waiting for a good opportunity.

Well, early last month an email was sent out through HRBB (a yahoo email group I'm a part of) from a woman who was looking for a full-time receptionist for her husband who is a podiatrist. She wrote that if we knew of anyone who was looking to have them email her their resume. Well, I jumped at the chance! I didn't have much experience with...how would you say that? Receiving? Anyway, my only real experience was my Saturday job with Classy Closets and even though I did that for about 2 years it still wasn't much because it was so slow there on Saturdays. But I sent her my resume anyway, hoping that my medical background would count for something! 3 weeks went by and I heard nothing, so I emailed her and asked if there were any updates. Another week went by and I had still heard nothing so I figured the position had been filled and was a little put out that she hadn't at least let me know. But Monday, she called me! She said that they were very interested in interviewing me because he was not only looking for a receptionist but also a medical assistant, and how providential that I have a background in both! So I went to the interview on Tuesday and was offered the job on Wednesday!!! I am very happy to say that I am now in my last two weeks at Otto's Deli and will soon be starting my new job as a receptionist/medical assistant for Dr. Field at the Renewal Medical Center!! I'm so thrilled; the last doctor I worked for, well, we all hated his wife. She would come in and move things she had no business moving, organizing without any idea of how to do it, and throw away food without asking who's it was or when they had brought it in. She tossed my can of Diet Coke that I had opened 30 minutes before! But Dr. Field's wife, Angie, is AWESOME!! I can tell that I am going to get along so well in there and I'm very excited to work with LDS people again! That's right, the doctor and his wife are in the Highlands Ranch stake! It's going to be such a wonderful experience and I feel so incredibly blessed for this opportunity. I don't deserve it but I'm going to try and live up to it the best that I can!

Other than that, not much else is new. I'm not going to school right now because this economy is kind of freaking me out and I really want to get out of credit card debt before I do anything else. So this full-time job is a blessing times 2 because it'll help me get out of debt so much faster!!!

Tori is still growing like a bean pole...her legs are getting so long! She's having a hard time with her temper right now. Whenever she gets angry or frustrated she doesn't stop to thing, just lashes out by either hitting or throwing things and it's driving me nuts. If anyone has any advice for that PLEASE let me know!!!

I promise I will start doing better about blogging...tomorrow I'm hoping to be able to blog about dropping Adam off at the MTC!

Hugs!

Baby, IT'S ON!!!!

2008-11-11T08:57:00.004-07:00

Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm finally over the illness that has plagued me for the last week. And you know what that means...not only am I able to clean the house for Mom's return (yayyyyy...) but I've, once again, started THE CLEANSE!!!!! I have my HoodiThin, my lemonade and because of my beautiful friend Naomi (love you girl!) I DON'T HAVE TO PUT THE CAYENNE PEPPER IN MY LEMONADE!!! She got the brilliant idea to buy gelatin capsules and put the cayenne pepper in there! It's brilliant because having to drink the pepper? HELL ON EARTH! So I'm all set to go and I'm way excited about it and the best thing? My 10th day is going to be next week on Thursday! Which means that if I feel like having a steamer from Starbucks while waiting in line for the midnight showing of TWILIGHT(!!!!) I can! I'm not sure that I will as this cleanse is supposed to take away all cravings for sugar and junk food (I cannot say enough how excited I am about that) but we'll see. Wish me luck and this time I really will keep you informed!!! :-D

I can tell you this, this morning while juicing my lemons I was SOOO hungry. You know that feeling when you're stomach is so empty that it feels like it's eating itself? It's wonderful right? Well only 10 minutes after drinking the HoodiThin and my first glass of lemonade of the day it was gone!! I'm not feeling overwhelmingly hungry anymore! It's WONDERFUL!!!

The remnents of my lemons for my day's supply of lemonade! :-)

This is ALL that's going in my stomach for the next 10 days!

Update on Master Cleanse

2008-11-05T17:45:00.002-07:00

SOOOO I know I said that I'd be blogging everyday since I started that but...I only lasted 2 days. I started my period and I simply couldn't handle it! Now I've been sick for the past 5 days. So I'm going to wait this cold out before I start again, otherwise I know I'll be asking for failure! I'll keep you all updated!! :-)

THE MASTER CLEANSE and fun with Tori!

2008-10-28T11:04:00.003-06:00

Well, I have been officially chastised for not blogging more. So thank you Molly, and I will try to do better! First an update on my life! I'm not in school this semester as there was an issue with my financial aid and I was dropped from my classes before I realized it, and by that time came around they were all full. So...I'm having fun with Tori while not in school! (And SO incredibly bored! I can't wait for spring semester!) My mom is in China and it's so crazy not having her here! We all miss her mucho and are ready for her to come home!

Ok, one story about Tori and then I'll get into the MASTER CLEANSE I'm sure you all are wondering about! So Tori was in bed and I was...ah, I think reading a book or something. All of a sudden I heard her shriek in terror and I raced up the stairs wondering what on earth could be wrong. I opened her door and my heart broke when I saw her! She was huddled behind her door crying her heart out! I opened my arms and she ran into them and when I asked her what was wrong, she pointed to the corner of her room above her bed and said, "That monster is scary!" My baby had her first monster in her room, and it wasn't even under her bed! So I walked over to the corner and grabbed at the air, pretending I was grabbing for the monster. It made her giggle (which was, of course, the whole purpose) and after 2 grabs I had the monster! We both went to the toilet and flushed the monster away. It was so sweet and I loved every minute of that particular Mommy experience.

Now onto the MASTER CLEANSE!!! After much thought and consideration, I have decided to participate in the Master Cleanse, also known as the Lemonade Diet. Why am I doing this you ask? Because it is the most effective detox method on the planet! You do it for only 10 days and it completely flushes your system! You rid your body of the toxins caused by pollution, junk food and just the crap from daily living. It rids your face and body of acne like nothing else will, and it also curbs cravings for junk food! It's like resetting your body and ridding it of the memory of how wonderful chocolate or a big juicy hamburger is. All you think about are apples and carrots! So I'm very excited about it, and I'm actually on Day 2! I will be blogging about this while I'm doing it and I'll attempt to write every day! So be expecting another one from me tonight! :-D

Weddings and Breakfast Cookies!

2008-08-28T20:35:00.003-06:00

Well she did it. My best friend got married. And Tori and I were in the wedding! Maid of Honor and Flower Girl, you can't ask for more in a family of two! :-P

Tori was having some serious low blood sugar issues...as you can tell from these pictures!

Grrr...leave me alone while I'm eating my breakfast cookie!

There's the beautiful smile we've all been waiting for!

It was a beautiful wedding, and while I will miss my Pancake, I can't deny that I'm very excited for her to embark on this next stage of her life! I love her forever and can't wait to see her in December!

Fun Game

2008-07-27T19:15:00.001-06:00

1. As you comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

It's fun! I hope you do it! :-D

Pottytraining and Moving

2008-06-23T10:17:00.003-06:00

I have decided that potty training is one of the worst jobs for a mother. I saw a Today show about a woman who runs a "booty camp" where she potty trains kids in ONE DAY! She kind of explained how she did it; feeding them salty snacks and sugary drinks, making them responsible for their own messes, and always praising whenever they went in the potty. So I decided to try it! Well, 3 urinations on the carpet and 2 1/2 cans of root beer later, Mommy gave up. Tori wasn't wanting to go, I was having to bribe her with watching Dora and Diego, and quite frankly, I was getting bored. So I've decided that I'm going to wait until she's 5 and incredibly embarrassed that she's still in diapers. Or maybe I'll start after she's 3. After all, I'm certainly going to get sick of changing poopy diapers eventually...

Recently, for those of you who don't know, I have been contemplating the idea of moving to Utah and going to USU next year. I'd be moving next summer and I'm getting pretty excited about the idea. I know, rather surprising coming from the girl who once swore that she'd NEVER move to Utah, but I figure that living there for a few years couldn't hurt. Be around family and my many friends who live there. I will admit though, I'm also considering moving there and just working. I'm sad to say that I'm getting pretty burnt out with school. I'm 23 and all my friends are moving onto their careers and I'm still in school studying. I'm considering contacting Concorde to enroll in a refresher course and then taking the certification exam to become an officially certified Phlebotomist and Medical Assistant. That is a career I would really enjoy, although I'm not sure how much they make in Utah. So we'll see. I'm definitely going to call Concorde to find out just how much that costs, and if it's not to expensive I'm going to do it. I've needed to do it for a long time; I really don't want that 7 1/2 month, $10,000 education to go to waste. I'm not too worried about supporting myself and Tori; as long as I find a good job out there I'll be fine. I did some calculating last night and as long as I save only $300/mo, adding in my tax refund I'll get for next year, I'll be moving out there with a pretty good chunk of change. I am, however, pretty worried about taking Tori away from her Nana. I know kids are really able to bounce back, but I know it would be really hard on her. She's lived with Nana and Papa since she was born. It'd really be hard on both of us. So keep us in your prayers, and we'll see what happens!! = )

Contemplations and updates...

2008-06-02T23:16:00.004-06:00

Well, I'm sitting here typing in my blog when I should be doing homework. LOL, how is this such a surprise?! I just wanted to type my thoughts and my thoughts are these. One, no matter how badly our hearts are broken they always have the capacity to heal. There may be a scar, but they can heal well enough that we can get through each day without the pain of heartache, which is a great blessing. And after they are healed we are able to find joy in the little things again. I've made a decision, and that is that I am going to fill this blog with good things from now on. Well, unless something bad happens. ;-) So here I go, talking about only the good!

I'm starting summer semester right now and I really don't think it's going to be nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. But no matter how hard it turns out to be, it's going to be worth it because it means I can graduate after fall semester! YAY!!! Well, graduate from the community college, after which I will be applying to Metro and CU-Denver for the spring. I'm pretty excited; I've been stuck at this community college far too long. It's time to stretch my wings and try something else! I'm also still working at Quiznos; the job pretty much sucks most of the time but you just can't beat having a friend as your boss and being able to pretty much set your own hours.

So I'm working part-time, going to school full-time, and I'm also a single mommy! For all you married mommies out there, you have NO IDEA!!! Only other single moms can appreciate how badly I long for a husband sometimes; not for the love and protection part, but just so SOMEONE ELSE CAN PUT HER TO BED!!! Someone to pass her off to when she starts driving me nuts!!! I'm pretty proud of myself though; I think I'm doing a pretty good job considering how much time I get to spend with her. I miss her though; this summer I'm putting in full days on Mondays and Wednesdays from 8am to 10pm, with pretty much all of that spent away from my baby. Today really sucked; I didn't get to see her at all. She was asleep when I left for school, and asleep when I left for work! I saw her for 5 min when I went to tuck her into bed tonight. Oh well, I'll probably be taking her to the zoo tomorrow so that should make up for today! :-)

Speaking of Tori, I'll bet there are those out there who are wondering how she is! She is becoming such a big girl now! What am I talking about, she IS a big girl! A big girl who is talking like no other kid her age I've ever seen. Last night, for example, I was sitting on the chair reading and she came up to me and started rubbing my arm and said this, "I go get your purse and get some gum, ok sweetiepie?" I stared in shock; she's 2 1/2 years old and she's saying SWEETIEPIE?! What the crap? I started laughing so hard; it's moments like those when I can't help giving her whatever she wants! Good thing those don't happen TOO often...Ok, so here's a really cute story. On Sundays I don't let her watch her favorite shows, which just happen to be Diego and Dora (surprise, surprise), because it's Heavenly Father's day and we only watch church movies. Well, two weeks ago, on the last Sunday of May, I decided to break my own rule. Tori had had a late nap and we were all going to play cards and I really wanted her to stay occupied. So I asked Tori if she wanted to watch a Diego movie. At first she said YES, and then she stopped. She looked at me, cocked her head and said sternly, "Mommy, I can't watch Diego today. It's SUNDAY." I just stared at her, shocked, and then I burst out laughing, gave her a hug, apologized and turned on a church movie for her. Just a little lesson for me that they ARE listening even if they never show it. It was adorable. I love that girl more than life.

I heard a Kenny Chesney song a few days ago that made me cry. It's from the perspective of a teenage boy who got a girl pregnant and realized he was going to be a daddy. At first he was kissing all his dreams goodbye and it says, "there goes my life, there goes my future...i might as well kiss it all goodbye." Then he goes to when the baby girl is 3 and he's watching her toddle upstairs to get tucked in by her mommy and he sings it again, with an entirely new meaning. While he's watching her walk up the stairs he says, "there goes my life, there goes my future..." I took that song to heart immediately. Tori has become my life; she is my everything and I can't imagine me without her. I am so grateful to have her, no matter how hard it may be, and I feel so blessed to have been trusted with the task of raising such an incredible daughter of God. I want to thank everyone who has been there for me, my friends and family. I couldn't have done it without you and I love you all so much! Until next time, adieu!

P.S. Props to Heather for commenting. I love you too! :-)